Chris Clarke has posted a fabulous thing: How To Not Be an Asshole – A Guide For Men
A long way into the very long thread which ensued, a regular antifeminist commenter, Infidel Sage, wrote:
We eagerly await the companion guide to this for women. How Not To Be A Bitch.
That doesn’t sound like a very useful guide to me, Infidel. Let me instead present a more useful guide:
How to be a bitch
- Have opinions of your own.
- Bonus points for disagreeing with a man.
- Consider your comfort before your attractiveness to the hypothetical heterosexual male when getting dressed.
- Be sexy when you want to; not because it’s obligatory.
- Consider your words as of equivalent value to those of a man.
- Insist they be treated as such.
- Notice sexism. Say something about it.
- Require more from men than that they not rape you in order to consider them “nice guys.”
- Don’t give out cookies for minimum standards of decency: expect more.
- Expect an orgasm for yourself from sexual encounters as the default.
- Be willing to take matters into your own hands.
- Don’t feel guilty or sorry for failing to conform to someone else’s idea of how you should perform gender.
- Don’t apologize.
- When it’s appropriate for someone to shut the fuck up, do let them know.
I hope this has been a helpful guide for those pursuing bitchiness.
That last line of Betty’s list of how-tos needs some explication: Chris’ guide pointed out that when women are relating their own experiences and perceptions about threats and sexual violence, men who interrupt to ever so helpfully point out ways in which women could make themselves safer (such ways almost always being rooted in misconceptions about rape patterns) and even more helpfully pointing out that women who feel the need for hypervigilance are obviously paranoid and delusional because they as men have never noticed such threats and dangers to women, well Chris pointed out that these particularly helpful men should just shut the fuck up and listen to what the women are saying. This brought out a whole heap of pearl-clutchers about language and rudeness both at Pandagon and at the crosspost at DailyKos, nearly all of whom overlooked the idea that STFU was not meant to be in itself a persuasive argument, it was meant to be a wakeup call to certain men who were already acting condescendingly and dismissively about women’s experiences.