Hot on the heels of the Hoohaa Monologues and the suspension of high school girls for saying “vagina” in an excerpt from The Vagina Monologues, Australia finally has a new form of contraceptive device available. The contraceptive ring is finally hitting the shelves in Australia.
But where do you put it?
The ABC news coyly informs us that “the device is inserted internally”. So you don’t slip it onto your finger, next to your engagement^Wwedding ring. Do you wedge it into your mouth? Up your bum? Implant it under the skin? Apparently “The device is a soft plastic ring that releases the contraceptive hormone directly into the bloodstream.” Does a cardiothoracic surgeon have to install the bloody thing straight into a major vessel?
To the Daily Telegraph! But I’m still none the wiser. At least I know the cutters won’t need to be called in:
“A small, clear ring that is self-administered, the NuvaRing delivers a smaller dose of the hormones directly into the system and is worn for three weeks out of every month.”
And now I know “the new monthly method is a soft, plastic ring“. Well, phew, it’s soft and comfy! That’ll be a plus, wherever it has to be lodged.
And there’s no need to go to Adelaide, which is always a point in favour for any contraceptive plan:
Professor Kovacs, director of Monash IVF, said the contraception ring is an improvement on the pill as the hormones are delivered directly into a woman’s system rather than having to be digested. “When you take the pill orally it’s like going from Melbourne to Sydney via Adelaide ““ this goes straight into the circulation.
I find my confusion escalating by the end of the Telegraph article, though – apparently the device can work by thought power alone? TeleContraception(tm)!
“Melinda Cootes, 27, from Penrith, began using the ring as part of a trial three years ago and said it is not difficult to insert. “It is really easy and simple to use. You only have to think about it every three weeks and they give you stickers which I just put in my diary to remind me.”"
Well, hoorah at last for the Sydney Morning Herald . They come right out and say it:
“A self-inserted vaginal ring that protects from pregnancy for three weeks straight goes on sale in Australia from Tuesday.”
But they do bugle a note of caution: “Sexual health experts expect the NuvaRing to be popular among women who can overcome the hurdle of having to put the flexible plastic device in themselves.” Yes, you really can’t expect normal sexually active women to go putting fingers in themselves.
Type it. VAGINA. VAGINA. VAGINA.
That really wasn’t so hard.
Thanks for having me here in the Hoydenverse,