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Lauredhel is an Australian woman and mother with a disability. She blogs about disability and accessibility, social and reproductive justice, gender, freedom from violence, the uses and misuses of language, medical science, otters, gardening, and cooking.

This author has written 1598 posts for Hoyden About Town. Read more about Lauredhel »

58 responses to “Otterday! And Open Thread”

  1. Bene

    Anyone care to recommend a type of food this evening? I am indecisive about going out to dinner.

  2. Sweet Machine

    I just want to throw out there that I’ve been watching the TV show Bones on DVD this week, and I really love the friendship between Angel and Brennan. I like that they are female friends with no sexual rivalry (that I’ve seen yet, anyway!). It’s so refreshing.

  3. Bene
  4. tigtog

    Our school got a place position in the finals for Rocka last night – and we were disappointed! Weird how high your expectations are when you do really really well the year before. It was a good night watching terrific productions from amazingly enthusiastic and talented students, but as usual it went on till after midnight, thus I have only just emerged.

  5. tigtog

    And now we have to go to the school in the pouring rain to unpack the sets and costumes. Ack.

  6. Bene

    I can’t not look at that picture and not go awww.

  7. coz

    I really like ‘Bones’ nothing like the books but hey they are fun.
    Except the last episode of the latest season which really made no sense…which is a total shame.But eye candy Angel makes the pain go away.

    We had Burritos for dinner..mmmm chipotle.

    Next week I go to Shiprock, New Mexico for 4 days for work. Its on the Navajo Nation and should be hard work and good fun.

  8. fuckpoliteness

    Yeah Bene, this is probably way too late, but I was gonna suggest some Mexican…though good Indian food and a bottle of red wins nine times out of ten for my takeout preferences.

    This “Bones” show…is this the one with David Boreanez? (Sorry, can’t spell). It’s a cold and rainy day here and I have an essay to make a plan for but I’d SO rather be watching dvds with my son than studying…sigh. I’m settling for making French Toast with bacon and maple syrup and a coffee…cos there’s nothing like some empty calories to console when study beckons.

  9. Bene

    We actually ended up with Mexican, as the Indian place near here closed. It’s too bad–it was pretty darn good.

  10. Renee

    I recently wrote a piece about men invading womens spaces. I thought when I wrote it, that I would feel a sense of peace but I am even more disturbed. It basically centers on the fact that I am sick and tired of men and their colluders coming to feminist blogs and interrupting a good conversation by posing the question what about the men. How do others feel about this?

  11. fuckpoliteness

    Ah yes…that *is* intensely frustrating Renee! Looking forward to reading your post! I find it hard in feminist spaces, on my blog, and also in general conversation when you have to *explain* to a guy why you don’t appreciate his sexist remarks, when you have to *convince them* that your reaction is justified.

    Just wondering if I can have a download/vent about family life for me at the moment?

    Right now I’m researching methods of teaching organisation to kids with ADD/ADHD (although I really should be working on that essay plan). My son has a primary diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome, with a ‘co-morbid’ (??) diagnosis of ADHD. Thing is I’m not sure I don’t have exactly the same things myself! Organisation and memory are *terrible* for me…so I get really anxious over this stuff – I mean I’m researching it so I can teach it to him, but I feel like I need those lessons myself first. I manage things fine, I cope, but yeah, things often fall through the cracks. I feel burned out, and am getting frustrated with my son more and more frequently as it feels like he can’t do anything I ask without arguing/being rude.

    It’s not surprising that I’m feeling burned out – I’m a single parent and have been since he was a baby. I was pretty poor, so it’s taken this long for bills not to be something that keep me laying awake at night with anxiety. I’m studying and working full time and my family are…difficult, and a couple of hours away anyway. His dad lives in Germany and occassionally contributes $21 a month in the way of child support.

    I feel like the fact that my son has disabilities has never fundamentally *sunk in* for me…I’ve certainly fought hard to have the school get on board, and I explain it to people, but I feel like for *me* it’s never really become reality. I found parenting him very easy for say, the first four years…it’s been very tricky in the last few – he’s made huge progress at school, but at home things are difficult, and I hate that I’m getting so frustrated with him – and to change the way we’re interacting is going to take a lot of time/mental effort and by the time I get home from work/start cleaning/have study to look forward to, I don’t have a whole lot of headspace. If I drop back on work hours I can’t pay the bills, and we’re *good* in the sense that we talk about everything and we’ll have our blow ups, I’ll let him cool down and we’ll resolve it properly, and talk about who was responsible for what and what to do better next time. Only it seems to keep happening.

    Ugh. Anyway…I guess I know a few people on here are going through similar things…if anyone has any recommended websites…

    For now I’ll go make the essay plan.

  12. Beppie

    (((fuckpoliteness)))

  13. tigtog

    Hugs from me too, FP. My own son is High Functioning Autistic, and I know how difficult it can be with an intelligent child to remember that they do have a variant set of cognitive skills that means that they simply are not going to always “get” what’s going on in the way that neurotypical kids do.

    Autism Street is always worth a read (parent of an autistic son strongly focussed on autism as a difference rather than a defect and rebutting the claims that vaccines cause autism) and has lots of links in the sidebar.

    There’s also NTs are weird, written by an autistic adult, which Grendel recommended not long ago.

  14. Bene

    Renee: I totally see your point; though sometimes I wish I could get in a good brawl, just to whet my attitude, the continued but we’re being oppressed toooooo is frustrating as hell. It means no one is listening to what’s actually being said.

    fp: God, that’s hard. You get points for doing so well so far. I’m OCD and ADD co-morbid, with a lot of AS symptoms. (Co-morbid’s such a weird word, it sounds like being dead together.) I wish I had resources for you, but I’m anything but a parenting expert. All I can say is that it might benefit you to teach yourself these skills as best you can and as thoroughly, before you teach your son.
    As for the arguing, I think the issue could very well be the fact that he doesn’t quite comprehend the point of X, Y, or Z. If I’m guessing his age generally, he’s sort of at the point where kids don’t really grasp others’ needs in more than an abstract manner anyway, so you’ve got a double issue there. Going into an explanation sometime that’s calmer could help…like ‘I need you to take out the rubbish while I cook dinner so that I can get that done faster. Then both of us can eat sooner.’

    Of course, that’s really sort of a PITA, but laying things out in a straightforward manner is beneficial, I think.

  15. fuckpoliteness

    Thanks for the hugs…I didn’t actually get that that’s what all the brakets were until you said “hugs too” Tigtog…I’m a web newbie!

    Thanks for the links. Yes. It’s hard – he’s SO smart, and he discusses so many things at an adult level, that sometimes I’m just like Holy SHIT child, just do what I’m asking without us having a debate for three hours first!

    Yes, Bene, that’s a good point. This is the thing, when he was little I explained EVERYTHING in great detail…I guess we’ve both become busier and I forget and just ask him to do things the way I would with anyone else…then…well agitation ensues.

    Plus I can’t stand lots of noise, I can’t think if there’s to much background noise – so you know, like right now when he wants to go to the vid store, he needs coaching through the steps. I’m typing and listening to quiet music, and needing to remind him six times to do his shoelaces…then I direct him for the fourth time to go to his room to get a jacket, and he’s waffling and making jokes and I just get overloaded. I mean that just *never stops* and he’s so good humoured while he’s rabitting, but I’m a big fan of some time to just be in my own head/focus on what I’m doing…and he doesn’t ‘get’ that, hey, mum’s typing and frowning in concentration, now’s not the time to make an obscure sci-fi joke, or tell her the specs on the new Mazerati I saw the other day…and I feel awful for being impatient or asking him to be quiet.

  16. fuckpoliteness

    Bollocks to homework/study/housework…I’m taking little FP off for dinner at the local Indian restaurant…yyyyuuuuummm!

  17. The Amazing Kim

    Hugs also to FP, who sounds like she also needs a holiday and a chocolate cake. Depending on the age of the cub, perhaps some sort of Big Brother/Big Sister mentoring program, bookclub at the local library, dogwalking, or a weekly sleepover arrangement with other parents of aspies would help you get some time to yourself?

    he discusses so many things at an adult level, that sometimes I’m just like Holy SHIT child, just do what I’m asking without us having a debate for three hours first!

    Sounds like my 3 20y/o housemates. When you find the cure, let me know.
    I too, find it exhausting to come home from work, do an hour or two of housework, make dinner and then find it’s bedtime, having free days only to catch up on housework and regret falling behind on my uni application.

    ….

    With male commentators that barge into a thread wanting Instant Feminism, I tend to send them to Tigtog’s wonderful Feminism 101. I’ve been known to write the address for people in the meatspace too.

  18. tigtog

    Retro cocktails? you’ll have to google the names for the recipes, but how about these:

    Blue Lagoon, Blue Marlin, Harvey Wallbanger, Tequila Sunrise, Manhattan, Screwdriver, Tom Collins, Black Russian, Fluffy Duck, Brandy Alexander.

  19. tigtog

    For our dinner tonight we’re having roast beef with all the veges and gravy trimmings.

    I’m also going to make my parsley/olive relish, having been reminded of it elsewhere today: 1 bunch of parsley, 3 shallots, 2 doz. pitted/stuffed green olives, and 6 anchovy fillets, whirl it all around in the dishwasher food processor and serve with toasted sourdough bread. Goes well with either pinot noir or vodka martinis.

    *text amended above due to inadvertent slip of the fingers – why yes, I have already started on the vodka martinis.

  20. The Amazing Kim

    Retro cocktails? How retro? A Pimm’s #1, sidecar, or anything with gin would be good for the 20s. If it’s the 70s? something fruit-based like a banana daiquiri or punch. There’s always jelly shots, which you can make retro colours.

  21. tigtog

    How retro?

    Prawn cocktails and fondue screams seventies to me.

  22. fuckpoliteness

    Hahahaha! Whirl it all around in the dishwasher…and voila – clean ingredients.
    YUM that sounds like a good recipe!
    Well sprog and I rugged up against the cold/rain and mosied up to the “Village”. We weren’t convinced by Indian as we eat it WAY more than we ought…
    And Mini FP suggested Sushi. I was well impressed since he’s often ‘urghy’ about trying new things. He/we ate pan friend dumplings, deep fried oysters, and mini sushi rolls with fresh tuna and salmon. He even gave a tentative nibble to wasabi.

  23. fuckpoliteness

    TAK @ 20 – thanks v much, for the *hugz* and the suggestions.

    Yeah…time out would be good I have to say. My partner has a daughter, and he’d LOVE to have her live with him full time, but gets to have her with him alternating one full weekend/one half weekend…then uses all his annual leave with her…and misses her a LOT. I think that giving me the chance to miss my son might be good for us both.

  24. blue milk

    fp – what do you do with that very special $21 a month?

    lauredhel – post about your dinner party, I love dinner party stories, especially retro ones. I had a very successful “Ice Storm” themed retro dinner party in honour of my having read and loved the book. I served fondue too.

  25. fuckpoliteness

    Ah Bluemilk – the sporadic $21 a month, as far as I can see means that I can use ATMs at will as it just about covers my bank fees and non-MyBank ATM fees. :)

  26. The Amazing Kim

    Seems to me a common theme through this thread is having to care for others up to the very extent of our abilities or even to an unreasonable degree.

    Renee points out that women on feminist blogs are often expected to lead curious men on a personal guided tour of the reasons they should care, even when said women are busy discussing something completely different.

    Here I am, working the second shift supposedly for adult males who do not have full-time jobs or study.

    And FP isn’t receiving the resources as a single parent to care for both her and her progeny.

    I can think of many other examples of women expected to care about others to the detriment of themselves.

    Now, caring is not something you can go on strike from, as people invariably suffer. What is the solution?

  27. fuckpoliteness

    Beer?

  28. fuckpoliteness

    Sorry! That was a serious issue, not to be answered by beer. I don’t have a proper answer though. Sigh.

  29. The Amazing Kim

    That was a serious issue, not to be answered by beer.

    You’re right. Alcohol should only be reserved for trivial issues, like the USA election. It’s the only way I’ve found to get through it.

  30. Pavlov's Cat

    Mmmmmmm brandy alexanders.

  31. tigtog

    PavCat – I know, as soon as I wrote that I craved one. It must be at least five years since I last indulged. Don’t have all the ingredients to hand, sadly.

  32. tigtog

    followed by a single malt

    *puts on scotch-wonk hat*

    Which single malt, pray?

  33. tigtog

    Just flicking channels, and am pretty sure that I saw an obviously able-bodied child doing the choreography in a wheelchair for the opening ceremony of the Beijing Paralympics. WTF?

  34. Bene

    Demonstrating my unfortunate Americanness, you say Grylls and all I can think of is Bear. So ‘the cat amongst the pigeons’ made me think he had like, tamed a wildcat and set it to catching birds for him to eat.

    Okay, that made sense to me.

  35. tigtog

    This comic is possibly the most ultrageek ever: Daily Static

  36. Renee

    Life as woman never seems to get any easier does it. I sometimes just feel so exhausted and overwhelmed that I want to take my ball and go home.

  37. tigtog

    Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads out there. I’m just about to go out with the fambly for our FD outing – seeya laterz, alligatorz.

  38. su

    More hugs, FP. I guess you’ve already gone down the social story route or lists of steps for common situations? I sometimes do the latter for my eldest boy to help him master the chaos. My youngest lad’s attitude to all attempts to get him to conform can be summed up as: “Social story? Ha!: I laugh at your feeble attempt to impose your oppressive N/T expectations upon me.”

  39. tigtog

    FP, when needing comfort food to deal with life’s slings and arrows I just discovered something new and alarmingly decadent: the good old Tim Tam straw with a shot of scotch rather than a hot beverage. The chocolate won’t melt as it does with a hot coffee, but the scotch-infused biscuit to eat is wickedly moreish.

  40. fuckpoliteness

    Wow. It may be needed. Son just home from school (missed bus and had to walk as teacher kept him back – knowing he’s a ‘bus kid’ to make him take home an assignment he did earlier in the year). Son comes home and says teacher has ‘changed mind’ on his agreement to accept less than the full five tasks of this ludicrous Olympics assignment and now wanted the remaining three tasks to be handed in tomorrow. WTF? Sent lengthy note which at bottom said “NO WAY” – very politely, but dude, you wanna push me, we’ll tango. I’m the mum, I know what’s best, and that is a ludicrous thing to say to a child. Bring on that meeting! (Sigh. Plus the paediatrician we went to retired, so took til Aug to get in with new guy, who then went on hols in Aug, so our appt was set for next week. Got phone call to say he’s now RESIGNED!!!!) It never rains…

  41. Mindy

    No passive language in this one.

    Warning: possible triggers. (victim in this story is male)

    Interesting how they have a picture of the alleged perpetrator, even though it’s just a committal hearing.

  42. tigtog

    Mindy, the contrast in the language of the reportage between that report and the average report of a man allegedly raping a woman is quite stark, isn’t it? Good catch.

  43. ladoctorita

    next week’s otterday???
    [link]

    *weeps from teh cuteness*

    ladoctoritas last blog post..more ‘cover girl’ analysis, via shapely prose

  44. fuckpoliteness

    Ok…I really just cracked it on the Palin Uber-Thread.
    I can’t tell if I was unfair or it was totally warranted. Yikes. But I’d just come home from the paediatrician (the new one, who’s already quit) who took my concerns over my son’s lack of height and weight gain seriously and ordered blood tests – oh yeah, you guys with kids on the spectrum (any kids, but these guys esp) know what I’m talking about. Full blown screaming, running, thrashing – took four of us to restrain him. Don’t you feel like such a *traitor* holding them down? Oh, fun times. Anyway – I hope I wasn’t overly rude in my comment.

  45. fuckpoliteness

    He’s all good. I bought him a new xbox game – less as ‘bribery’ really since I knew no matter what all hell was gonna break loose, but for him to have something comforting afterwards…he’s in the zone now – Jedi Knights game. All’s well. And I let loose on someone who’s been peeving me with their bossy rudeness and inconsistency and I’m sitting calmly with cold water – all’s well.

    fuckpolitenesss last blog post..A collection of ranting points on rape culture, language and society

  46. fuckpoliteness

    Hehe…I have NO idea what just happened! I…is that *real*???

  47. tigtog

    is that *real*???

    Here’s the blog post that explains all, although it makes much more sense if you’re aware of the internet meme of rickrolling

  48. fuckpoliteness

    Riiight…ok. I figured it had to be faked, but wow, that was a good job. Oh, the woman in the audience getting all choked up…and the blank looks. Hilarious.

  49. polerin

    FP: speaking as another ADHD person (though I am closer to ADD at this point..) I find music really helps with concentration for me. What kind of music varies from person to person, but for me it is electronica or funk based with breaks. I’m not a fan of House or the pretty standard 2/4 genre’s, but trip-hop, DnB, and jungle all appeal to me for this purpose. Outside pure genre, Radiohead and Portishead really work wonders for my concentration, though I can’t listen to them while I drive as I end up somewhere completely random.

    I’ve only been in contact with a kid with Ausbergers through a friend of mine, so I’ve no idea how that may interact with the music suggestion. Hugs, and I think the most important thing that I can say is make sure he knows that ADD/ADHD isn’t just as bad thing. It has challenges for sure, but if you work with the condition, it can make you quicker to see associations that may be hidden, simply because your mind flows from thing to thing. It’s hard, but it also has joy :)

  50. polerin

    Oh, forgot about the other thing. Saw this on slashdot earlier today.. thought it might interest this crowd.

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