That’s what this post from Melissa McEwan is.
Because every man in my life who I love and who has professed to love me has at least once and mostly on multiple occasions said something, or stood by while somebody else said something, that left me with this choice:
“Swallow shit, or ruin the entire afternoon?”
She points out that sometimes that shit is as simple as “well, you’re not like those other women who…” and expecting me to feel complimented. Because I’m supposed to feel it’s not personal that the default view is that All Other Women are that Trivial/Weak/Vain/Manipulative/Irrational/[Insert Slur Here], dontcha know.
Another basic is making it clear with every fibre of their body language that they expect me to not embarrass them by failing to be a “good sport” about sexist BS being said by one of their mates or colleagues. Then the classic – apologising to other men when I do “make a scene” after they just stood by instead of confronting those men about their behaviour. Because their social status with other men is more important than the dignity of the women they profess to love.
Being expected to swallow shit about womanhood in a social situation is just the norm, and any woman who lets swallowing shit obviously affect her, let alone vocalise objections to swallowing shit, is ruining everyone else’s fun. Funny how expecting women to swallow shit is never seen as ruining women‘s fun. No, it’s “just a little thing” that we “need to get over” so that life can be comfortable again (for them). We need to stop being so angry.
Yet most women who are angry about swallowing shit still love some men. Because many other things about some men are intensely lovable. Because some men, the good ones, actively avoid serving up shit most of the time. But I don’t know a single man I’ve been close to that’s never served up some sexist shit that I was expected to swallow. So loving some men doesn’t mean that I feel I can fully trust them.
If you’re a man who’s ever wondered why a woman in your life seems hesitant to share some thoughts and experiences with you? This is why. (For all of us: yes, it’s the same for the POC and disabled and LGBTQI people in our lives as well). Why act so offended that there is mistrust? Why shouldn’t the person expected to swallow shit regularly have mistrust for the person carrying around a plentiful supply of shit?
Read the whole thing, and pass it on.
H/T to @hellonhairylegs on Twitter