Everyone’s talking about this prize-winning Toyota Yaris ad, winner of a competition organised by by Saatchi & Saatchi.
Here it is, transcribed for you, for those who want to access the conversations but can’t access the ads.
A white bloke in his late teens or very early twenties, dressed in dark pants and a white collared shirt, arrives at a large house in the evening. I’ll call him Date. He rings the bell, and adjusts his clothing, looking slightly nervous, yet cocky.
A middle-aged white man in a suit and tie answers the door. I’ll call him Dad.
Date, cheerfully: Hi, I’m Horny.
Dad, looking cross: Hi, I’m Seething.
Date, still cheerful: I’m here to take Jennifer’s virginity out tonight. Is she ready to go?
[Dad furrows his brows.]
Date: I hope I haven’t come too prematurely. [grins]
A young women’s voice off-screen, I’ll call her Woman: I’m coming! I’m coming! [Woman appears just coming down off the stairs, dressed in a little black dress and jewellery, long brunette hair loose and wavy.]
Date, lasciviously: You will be soon. [raises an eyebrow and leers]
Woman: Bye Mum! Bye Dad! [kisses Dad on the cheek]
[Woman stands back in the doorway. Dad advances through the doorway, and talks ‘privately’ with Date.]
Dad, sternly: Do you have any protection while you’re driving my daughter home?
Date: Oh, yeah, of course! [fumbles in pocket, produces keys] I’ve – I’ve got a Yaris. [clicks the central locking, the red car beeps]
Dad: Oooh! [raises eyebrows approvingly, smiles at Date]
Date: Yep! Couple of, ah, nice big SRS airbags up front, to ah, throw my head into [holds hands up as if cupping giant breasts, makes brbrbrbrbrbrbr noise as if putting head between breasts and mucking around]
Date: Oh, and traction control for when it gets a bit [lowers voice slightly] slippery and wet. And the best part – it has special [unintelligible] Safe-T-Cell technology!
Dad: So she can take a good pounding in any direction! [makes fisting motion]
Date: [mouth hangs open] Um – you bet!
Woman: Come on. [nudges up beside Date, looks lasciviously at him] I’m ready to blow.
Date and Woman walk down the path.
Date: [turns around] Oh, and
I’ll have her backI’ll have her on her back by eleven, I promise.
[Dad waves gormlessly.]
[Date and Woman get in the car and drive off. Music starts. Caption: “For good clean getaways.” Dad, on the porch, does the Toyota triumphant-leap.]