JT Eberhard responded to the various posts in the skeptisphere about speakers behaving badly and the subsequent discussions about anti-harassment policies, with what was basically a But How Will The Shy Awkward Men Get Sex? post:
But ladies, we need your help (which is why I’m writing this post). I’m not an idiot, but I’m terrible at catching subtle hints. Seriously, I’m awful. Men like me need you to communicate with them. If we’ve crossed the line and you don’t tell us, it’s very possible that we won’t even be remotely aware that the line has been crossed at all. If you then go tell other people how terrible we are for having crossed your line, you’re creating drama instead of working toward a resolution.
And he wanted the discussion to only focus on guys who are (obviously?) not creeps:
Now there are guys who do view women as a means to sex and have no interest in respecting a woman’s boundaries if it means they can’t push for sex. Those guys are a liability. They don’t want help and I’m not writing this post to help them. I’m talking about the men who want to create a friendly environment for women but who also want to interact with the possibility of flirting/getting laid if things go well.
As Jadehawk and countless others would love to know: how exactly do we tell, on first meeting, just who are the boundary-ignorers and who are the friendly-flirters? She made many other cogent points, as well – especially with regard to some twerp bringing up the woefully obtuse “women who welcome approaches should wear buttons” idea again in comments to JT’s post (thus the illustration turning the expectation around).
Read it all, including these posts she links to if you haven’t come across them before:
- Mythcommunication: it’s not that they don’t understand they just don’t like the answer