Matty Silver has written a column for the SMH on how to deal with a difference in libido levels for couples who have been together for a while and for whom the bit where you want to jump each other quite often has passed (if indeed it occured at all for you).
So most of the column was a rehash of an earlier piece last year and some comments from readers of that earlier writing and it was all okay until Betina Ardnt was mentioned. Then the assumptions being made about relationships were made clear. Firstly, that really we are talking about a male/female couple and one where the female is the one resisting the sexual advances. That they want to have a family and are able to, that they will have a house etc.
However, when a couple decides to marry or commit to a life together, there is a general understanding that they will work, entertain, cook, clean the house, look after the kids and have sex. All these activities need planning and take time. Maybe it is time to change our thinking about what is more important, as sex often seems to be last of the priorities.
You won’t leave your partner without food or stop cleaning the house, why is it so difficult to schedule in some time for sex?
My partner is quite capable of taking himself off to the supermarket, able to work a credit card or pay with cash, cook for himself and the kids and clean up his own mess. Not necessarily to my preferred standard but certainly enough to keep everyone looking clean and hygenic. However, for various reasons he doesn’t always do these things which can leave me feeling tired, put upon and resentful and definitely not sexy.
Which brings me to a larger question: why are women still expected to cook, clean and provide sexual services as if there are no pressures on them to do anything else. As if illness, disability, stress, tiredness, childrearing etc etc have no effect and if we don’t we are somehow betraying this sacred contract? Why is it still the role of women to turn the other cheek and ‘just do it’ despite the fact that he’s hogging the remote, the washing up he’s been going to do for two days isn’t done, his dirty socks still litter the floor, you just tripped over his shoes and threw half his wardrobe off your side of the bed?* Where is the mutual responsibility in making each other happy?
*or whatever it is that your partner does that irritates the crap out of you and makes you feel unlike sexy times.