The Gingrichburg Address

Stephen Colbert gets John Lithgow to recite that baffling wafflefest Press Release of Doom from Newt Gingrich’s presidential spokesman, Rick Tyler.

Text of the Press Release:
“The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.”

Apparently the run-on paragraph is how it was originally sent out.

The whole thing has also been turned into a cartoon panel by Jon White:

A multi panel cartoon

Campaign Press Statements Are Themselves Jaunty Poetry

Categories: arts & entertainment, media, parties and factions

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5 replies

  1. Beauteous. Thanks for posting this!

  2. Oh good god. Twenty minutes of hiccuping later, I have finally regained cognitive capacity. Magnificent.

  3. I especially liked the jowl shimmy on “America”.

  4. Thank you Jon White because I’m visual learner.

  5. “Sorry, this video is unavailable from your location”
    Having read the rest of the post, I think this is probably a good thing.

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