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tigtog (aka Viv) is the founder of this blog. She lives in Sydney, Australia: husband, 2 kids, cat, house, garden, just enough wine-racks and (sigh) far too few bookshelves.

9 Responses

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  1. Y
    Y at |

    I love this tedx by Jay Smooth on the topic of racism – what he calls the “dental hygiene” model could equally be applied to other *isms.

  2. tigtog
    tigtog at |

    Thanks Y – Jay Smooth’s anti-racist work is highly extensible to intersectional activism.

  3. Aqua of the Questioners
    Aqua of the Questioners at |

    I was also going to mention Jay Smooth, although I live back in the era of the classic youtube vid “how to tell people they sound racist”.

    I’ve found that the problem either boils down to, as you mention, thinking it is a moral evaluation of character (rather than “oops! A booboo!”); or a refusal to believe that one carries opinions and attitudes and biases of which one may be only dimly aware, if at all. This second situation is much harder to deal with, because the person needs to be dragged through most twentieth-century knowledge of psychology, sociology, anthropology etc. It’s closely related to “the view from nowhere” (which I used to be guilty of), but also I believe the Rational Agent beloved by some economists, and I think is a fundamental underpinning of Libertarianism. (So you are particularly likely to run into it when arguing on the Internet.)

  4. AMM
    AMM at |

    My off-the-cuff response to “I’m not an X-ist” is “well, then why are you doing these X-ist things?”

    And, no, “what I’m doing can’t be X-ist because I’m not an X-ist” won’t fly, any more than “I’m not a murderer, so my cutting Y’s head off can’t be murder” would.

    Probably too snarky to be constructive, but at some point, I get tired of being patient and understanding. At some point, we have to come to terms with the fact that we all contain a lot of stuff we’re not proud of (or wouldn’t want people to know about) and work on it, rather than just sailing that river in Egypt.

  5. tigtog
    tigtog at |

    I read a comment somewhere yesterday that I can’t find again now, but xe had a pithy summary: changing the “what you did” conversation to a “what you are” conversation.

    It’s a deflection mechanism, pure and simple. It’s often deployed in reflexive/defensive denial rather than malicious/hostile manipulation, but just as intent is not magic when it comes to “what you did” in the first place, intent is not magic when it comes to persisting with deflecting/derailing either.

  6. Sioury
    Sioury at |

    I obviously can’t know where you found the comment,tigtog, but this actually sounds a lot like what Jay Smooth is saying in the video which Aqua of the Questioners recommended above. Maybe that is where you saw it?

    On the article: I only recently became somewhat more sensitive to the underlying issues – not in the least thanks to this and like-minded blogs – and while I can relate to the fact that having your flaws spelled out to you (even if it is anonymously on a blog you are reading by your own choice when the other person doesn’t even know they are educating you) can be unsettling and put you on the defensive, and may need some time to think through. I definitely used to – and probably in some ways still am – guilty of ‘colorblindness’ and the ‘I am a humanist’-trope. So in a way, I kind of sort of understand the reaction you talk about here.
    On the other hand, if a politely stated ‘hey what you said there is offensive (to me), please don’t say that’ prompts you to a knee-jerking of really saying, out loud ‘How dare you call me a *ist’, rather than an at least perfunctory apology just for hurting someone else, followed by some thinking and maybe a more sincere apology later, I would wager a guess that there actually IS a pretty big underlying problem with you in that area.
    However, the point still stands in the other direction, that is if it is your goal to educate people, it is important to take a certain defensiveness into account and also to always stick to the things they said, rather than ‘accusing’ there whole sense of self.
    To end on a positive note, I really think this goal is accomplished very well here and I would like to take the opportunity to sincerely thank you for educating me.

  7. tigtog
    tigtog at |

    I didn’t rewatch the video this time around, Sioury – although perhaps I should if I forgot that this was a key piece of phrasing. It has been awhile.

    I’m glad you found this article useful. I’m wary of the “that was offensive” wording myself, because not only does “offensive/offended” tend to specifically trigger defensiveness amongst many/most of the merely unthinking reiterators of *ist tropes, it also gives the ideologically anti-PC backlashers a wedge to plug in the “nobody has a right to not be offended” soundbite (which of course is trivially true but also unhelpful, irrelevant and pointless – nobody has a right to make others be silent about being offended either, and around we go in circles about who gets to exercise competing rights and how the exercise of a right is not exempt from criticism of one’s choice of how to exercise that right).

    So dealing with the anti-PC ideologues is different from dealing with the inadvertant reitorators, and it’s important to realise that the different groups require different approaches – objecting to the deliberately transgressive “edgy” backlashers may require taking a strong stand as a public protest (which is an effective method of educating some of the observers even if the ideologues easily shrug it off).

  8. Sioury
    Sioury at |

    Oh, of course!
    I didn’t think that far. I just meant that IF you do phrase it in a way that clearly is of the ‘what you said’-kind, and the reaction is that hostile, I would be more inclined to suspect deeper problems than thoughtlessness, which as you said can happen to everyone sometimes. But then again, you already pointed out it really isn’t about intent, so I guess my thought process wasn’t too helpful here.
    In any case, I understand your objections to the ‘offensive’ -phrasing (and here I thought I’d found a cautious way to say stuff – still pretty naive I guess :-) )
    Well, I guess thanks again for helping me learn, and I will try and make a more useful comment next time around.
    Also, just watched the Tedx video, the dental hygiene metaphor is awesome! Thanks, Y!

  9. Ariane
    Ariane at |

    TW: Ableist, racist language ahead (just a little bit)

    There’s also the possibility that the thing you said is *ist in ways you were utterly unaware of. That you haven’t internalised the tropes, but were actually completely oblivious to them. It’s clearly an example of privilege, but it should, in principle, be easy to deal with. For example, a friend of mine used to regularly use the word “mong”. I took an opportunity (not immediately after she’d used it) to point out that it was a particularly special word, managing to be racist and ableist all in one. She was stunned and amazed when I explained the origin of the word – she’d never known there was a connection. She doesn’t use it any more. This is the way it should be. It always amazes me when people get really defensive on this one – when I find out a word I thought had no baggage, has in fact a whole cargo hold’s worth, I just stop using it. (Or perhaps stop using it in certain contexts – some tropes are highly culturally specific.) I don’t really get why people take finding out something they didn’t know before as a personal attack.

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