Being single…stinks?

Today’s guest post is from baroquestar. Baroquestar is a 28 year old singing, studying, Australian museum geek with eclectic tastes in reading material. She is a solo mama to one beautiful daughter who likes dogs too, the bigger the better. [~lauredhel]


I’m burnt out and desperately in need of a break to rest and recuperate after a very busy and stressful festive season. So, this morning I made an appointment to have my legs waxed, popped on a nice outfit, grabbed some good reading material and morning tea, and headed to a local park to read and soak up some dappled sunlight.

Perfect. I lay on my stomach under a tree, kicking my legs and reading NW, Bitch and Rolling Stone, eating a custard tart and drinking iced mocha. I’d just noticed a few ants milling around me, so rolled over and sat up.

Just then, a nice-looking (too)young man with a gorgeous dog walked past, and the dog stopped to say hello, sniffing me and mooching, I thought, for my tart crumbs. She was just lovely, and I told her owner so. He was checking out my reading, and decided to make conversation…

“Aw, your dog is just gorgeous!”

“Yeah, she’s a moocher! So, um…this is a nice day to be out. What are you reading?”

Heh, here we go.

“I’m actually reading a magazine called Bitch.” Smile.

“Interesting title! What’s it about?”

“Well, it’s a feminist critique of pop culture, so lots of articles on current social trends, movies, music, all with a feminist perspective.”

“Wow, interesting. I bet there’s a lot to talk about. What article were you reading?”

Hmm, he’s engaged and interested, without being patronising or creepy. Points to you, young man.

“I just finished an article on the stereotype of the Jewish American Princess, and the inherent racist and sexist implications of it, and the co-opting of it into popular US humour, and products and stuff.”

“Oh cool. Was Paris Hilton mentioned?”

“Yup, exactly.”

So it went on like this for a while whilst I was patting and smooching his dog. The conversation wound up at that point where you’ve either got to break it off or offer a phone number, and I shut it down by telling his pooch to enjoy her walk. He thanked me for the chat and said “it was nice to meet you!” I look and feel sassy and cute, he’s too young but a nice person to make conversation with. Bit of an ego boost.

Until they walk away, I look down at the grass next to me and realise that for the 15 minutes preceding this conversation, I’d been lying tummy-down in a pile of dog shit.

No, really. No wonder his dog liked me.

I just about died of laughter and then rang about three people to tell them, which probably tells you something about my psyche, but gods know what. In the subsequent conversation with my friend J., we pondered the viability of Eau de Dogs’mess as a man lure. “Put some anywhere you want to be kissed!”, as Coco Chanel or someone suggested. 😀

I also went home to change.

Categories: Life


13 replies

  1. Lovely story. So funny:-) I’m not quite sure what it tells us about the man flirting with you…
    Well, the one burning question I have is: couldn’t you smell it?
    Januaries’s last blog post..Persona

  2. Oh no!!! You at least seem to have a much better sense of humor about it than I would have 🙂
    Cara’s last blog post..Rape Apologist Prosecutor Resigns

  3. That is too perfect. The guy does sound nice… smart, up for a mild flirtation, and tactful to boot. Not sure my own Nigel could have kept his mouth shut about the dog poop.

  4. Wow. Just wow.
    Great post title, btw. I didn’t guess the punchline either.
    Elaine Vigneault’s last blog post..Urgent Reminder to Feminist Bloggers

  5. Baroquestar:
    [Stumbled in here on a Tigtog link, quite by accident].
    Lovely story. [Nothing that can’t be fixed by soap&water and a sense of humour]. 🙂
    What I cannot understand though, is why you thought the bloke was too young. A friend of mine was in a thoroughly inappropriate affair with a bloke many years her junior; they married against all good advice and expectations; they now have a lovely bright little girl and are living happily ever after …. it is possible; it does happen …. so be cheerful; unexpeected happiness may come your way too.

  6. Graham, I get the impression that baroquestar is perfectly cheerful, happy, and stuffed full of good humour, especially seeing as she posted this for all to see.
    If having a “lovely, bright” little daughter is a measure of life success for you, she also has that in spades!
    The title of the post is a joke, not a commentary on the eternal grinding misery of single life as a woman. Fish. Bicycle. Etc.

  7. Januaries – Luckily or unluckily, it was pretty dried up. This meant I didn’t see or smell it before I lay down, but it also meant not much of it stuck.
    Graham – I appreciate the intention of your story, but I trust my instincts. And I’m pretty happy as I am; whilst it’s pleasant to make conversation with someone nice, I don’t require a male partner for completion. As Lauredhel points out, my title was a joke of sorts.
    Interesting point: I originally had a smiley following my reply to Graham, but took it out when it was pointed out that it added little more than a conciliatory head-tilt. I find it interesting (and irritating) just how well-socialised I am into being as nice and non-threatening to a man in conversation as I can, even when disagreeing with him.

  8. I’m glad it (corpus delicti) was easy to remove. Once again, lovely anecdote. I wish you many more sunny visits to the park. Sans dog poop, of course.
    Januaries’s last blog post..?good fences make good neighbors?

  9. Laurendel and Baroquestar:
    No worries [actually, I hadn’t paid attention to the title of this thread] …. its just that an unimportant difference in age, like a difference in race or religion or class or whatever shouldn’t be a barrier to anything pleasant.
    Anyway, after a nice, harmless and serendipitous diversion here, it’s back to the struggle against the abuse of political power, against the wrecking of our planet, against military corruption, against the loss of our liberties and against all that is evil. [Wow, that sound impressive …. alas, the mundane reality is somewhat less so]. Thank you for your brief company, ladies.

  10. “Fish. Bicycle. Etc.”
    *googles out of curiousity*
    I have Aspergers Syndrome – an autistic disorder – so my understanding and comprehension is different from the neurotypical (“normal”) – but that seems to me to be a prejudiced remark against guys based on an old anti religion slur. i hope that it isn’t thoughtless bigotry but again i don’t comprehend things the same way NT’s do and would like clarification of what Laurel intended to convey.

  11. Paul, Lauredhel (not Laurel) is well able to explain herself, but I do want to make some points.
    Also, as the parent of two children on the Autistic Spectrum, and recognising many non-neurotypical features in myself and other relatives as well, I am certainly sympathetic to some of the difficulties faced by the neuro-variant. However, in my experience people with Asperger’s Syndrome have far less difficulty with the written than with the spoken word, and in purely intellectual understanding generally need very few allowances made. Don’t make your AS an excuse for passive-aggressive habits of argumentation (if you don’t mean to come across as passive-aggressive, then you need to rethink your style of asking for clarification).
    In this case you would do well to think on the the word “need” and its difference from “want”, “like” or “desire”. There are very few things that human beings actually need.
    I don’t accept that the original aphorism was a slur against religion, either.

  12. but that seems to me to be a prejudiced remark against guys based on an old anti religion slur.

    I was assuming that most readers would be familiar with the second-wave graffiti saw “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”, attributed to Irina Dunn. (A quick google for fish + bicycle shows that hit two explains, so I wasn’t being obscure.)
    The Feminism-101-level claim that an individual woman does not need a man is not a “prejudiced remark against guys”, Paul. It’s an assertion of basic human autonomy, which is frequently denied to women.
    There is nothing in the original post that even demonstrated the author to be looking for a sexual relationship with a man; and also absolutely nothing to suggest she was unhappy and needed someone else to tell her to cheer up. I found the instructions to her that she should be cheerful because she will find love with a man someday to be both heteronormative and unfeminist. I suspect this is more out of ignorance than out of ill-will; Graham did also address a group of feminists (and at Hoyden, of all places!) as “ladies”, but I’m working hard on giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

  13. Oh since we are all outing ourselves, I suspect my toes are hanging over the theoretical, never to be defined boundary between neurotypical and not, and I also have two children on the Autistic spectrum and I would have to say that being desired and desiring is incomparably finer than being needed and needful. ‘Need’ implies that desire and choice might be negated by the imperative of supplying that which one is lacking and such a situation is rarely pleasant for the needful. Otherwise; what Tigtog and Lauredhel said!

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