Structural engineering in pursuit of the model rigid bust

Everything about this bra description makes me think, “I really wouldn’t want to ever wear that”.

“The same engineering that holds up the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco has been used in the Jeunique bra”

“Jeunique bras are healthy and attractive.”

“Our bras are designed to position the breasts halfway between the shoulder and the elbow, which is what clothing designers intended.”

“You cannot slouch in our bras.”

“Switching to a Jeunique bra is like giving up a floppy pair of slippers for an orthopaedic shoe.”

“It takes a couple of weeks to get used to the uplift and snugness”

Pass, thanks.

It probably won’t surprise you to learn that the manufacturer also makes makeup, cosmeceuticals, vitaceuticals, scam diet pills, underclothing corsets and “body shapers”. Including this bizarre assless girdle.

asslessgirdle



Categories: gender & feminism

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25 replies

  1. I have to say I do understand the appeal of a supportive bra, loose bras (or no bra) make me feel very sore, especially when running.
    But “Our bras are designed to position the breasts halfway between the shoulder and the elbow, which is what clothing designers intended.”? Implies to me that the purpose of breasts is to make clothes look good, rather than the other way around 🙂

  2. “Halfway between the shoulders and the elbow” is the middle of my upper arm, isn’t it? I know, I know, that’s not what they meant. But that’s what they said.

  3. Aaaargh – did you see the description for the assless girdle??
    (um, we’ll ignore the fact that I repeatedly mis-typed it as “griddle”, because thinking in culinary terms is just something I do well!)
    Anyhoo, it boils down (doing the culinary thing again!) to:
    “we’re going to uncomfortably smush your squidgy bits just like everybody else, but instead of making it bulge out at your stomach, we’re just going to let it all bulge out round your arse! ‘Cause remember, ladies – we men like distorted buttocks to knead!!!11!!eleventy!!”
    *shudders*
    Of course, you could just say “fuck it” and wear clothes that fit, but I can see that this company wouldn’t want to say that 🙂
    Also, Jay – you made my day with that comment! I may buy that bra, just so I look as though I’ve got really *big* …er… biceps!

  4. Hmph. I’ll believe it when I actually see it, particularly on someone who’s an E – F cup like myself (Australian 20E/F, depending where I am on my cycle). I’ve found about 2kg of breast tissue plus good old gravity tends to defeat even the best-designed support bras. Mind you, I suspect said support bras were designed with (at most) a C-cup in mind, or designed on the standard dressmaker’s “form”, which tends to have rigid tits which aren’t affected at all by gravity.
    Then again, the whole issue of bras is one which tends to prompt me to my worst excesses of rantage, so perhaps I’ll leave the subject here.
    Meg Thornton’s last blog post..An open letter to the Minister for Broadband, Communications, and the Digital Economy.

  5. Yep, the description is horrible, but if anything Cooper’s Droop , the irreversible (‘cos you can’t repair elastin) rupture of the suspensory ligaments of Sir Astley Cooper can be painful, and if good engineering can help people avoid pain, I’m all for it. And the other item you picture does have some legitimate applications (e.g. for thalidomide victims, amputees, and those suffering from explosive diarrhoea, and probably if they also suffer from an abdominal hernia at the same time).

  6. Oh, further comment – the Posture Perfect corset (let’s be honest folks, that’s what they’re selling here) is a real laugh. Note they’re selling something which comes complete with bra cups without even mentioning cup size. I’m willing to be they’re standard “swimwear” cup sizes – in other words, a B – C cup, and if you’re larger, you’re spilling out the sides and over the top and gee, doesn’t that just look so classy…
    My sarcasm runneth over.
    Meg Thornton’s last blog post..An open letter to the Minister for Broadband, Communications, and the Digital Economy.

  7. Dave: I’m yet to see any actual evidence that there is such a pathological entity as “rupture of Cooper’s ligaments”, let alone that bra-wearing prevents it. Do you have any?

  8. And you’d be left with the weirdest-looking VPL…
    Deus Ex Macintosh’s last blog post..Unwarranted Intrusion

  9. Oh no you dint. A MAN did not just post here exhorting women to wear uncomfortable lingerie because it will allegedly prevent DROOP. WTF, Dave? Could you be any more misogynistic? Perhaps now it’s our turn to post to your blog in a faux solicitous manner about saving up for hair plugs because of how unhealthy and unnatural baldness is, or advise you on the best form of industrial testicular support because, guess what, those babies DROOP with age, too, and heaven forbid, we don’t want that. We want to help your balls retain their firm, perky, youthful glory. Please, Dave, let us help you. It’s PAINFUL to have those puppies swinging around, knocking into things. Please try harder to maintain your damn balls according to OUR unrealistic and misandrist standards, Dave. And maybe then we’ll consider maintaining our bodies according to your unrealistic and misogynistic standards. One good turn deserves another, eh?

  10. The “what clothing designers intended” line gave me visions of said clothing designers sending off specs for the female body to the manufacturers and then getting terribly frustrated by the inconvenient randomness of the delivered product.

  11. “Our bras are designed to position the breasts halfway between the shoulder and the elbow, which is what clothing designers intended.”

    I agree with mimbles. Maybe that’s what designers intended, but mother nature had different ideas.
    Incidentally, that assless girdle looks like something from a village people tribute evening.

  12. Incidentally, that assless girdle looks like something from a village people tribute evening.

    Heh.
    And you wouldn’t just bulge in the arse. (19th century bustles, in fact, were kinder, more comfortable and less ridiculous than this.) You would also flob out around the waist the top, and at the place where the legs end, leaving you with attractive red lines at each cutoff point (and I use the word advisedly) plus the pattern of the corset fabric imprinted on all the skin it had been in contact with. Even if you were a normal-to-slender size. In which case*, why would you be wearing an abomination like this in the first place?
    *Or at all, of course
    Pavlov’s Cat’s last blog post..And today I expect to hear of a marriage

  13. The “what clothing designers intended” line gave me visions of said clothing designers sending off specs for the female body to the manufacturers and then getting terribly frustrated by the inconvenient randomness of the delivered product.

    Absolutely true!
    And then there are the designers who just point blank refuse to make clothes over a certain size (typically around average body size), because it will “make their clothes looks bad”.

  14. I wouldn’t mind bra designers having structural design chops rather than ‘just how perky can we get?’ chops. Mind you I’m a J (US size) or M (Aust. size) on a 14 band, so I’m a special case. This? This is not structural design, or anything approaching decent garment engineering – it’s just another bra with less give and more coverage. I’ve got those. They hurt, but they stop some of the pain of having overly large breasts on a frame unable to handle it well.
    Along those lines, you might want to check your facts Dave. Not to mention the oddity of linking to a scientist’s wiki page rather than the actual page for the ligaments. Particularly since it isn’t the ligament that’s the problem, but inflammatory carcinoma. And the bra-wearing shit it just that, shit. I wore a bra (to bed even) for nearly ten years (leagues of men and women telling a ten year old her boobs are going to sag if she doesn’t will do that to a person). I also had crippling back pain for about the same amount of time. When I started sleeping with my husband, I stopped wearing the bra to bed at his behest (and because I grew another fucking cup size that year and had two bras that didn’t form the quad/octo-boob) and you know what? No crippling back pain now.
    The ligament damage I’ve seen, and the nerve damage I have, are from bras, not sagging breasts. There are issues with large and extremely sagging breasts, from a medical point of view (I’m thinking rashes, skin breakdown and assorted things like that in tropical areas/elderly people) but your average woman? No bra is painful because of bouncing, not sagging.

  15. No bra is painful because of bouncing, not sagging.

    And for some women, no bra is less painful. But you try wearing large breasts in public with no bra (in anything other than a winter parka), and see how far you get.

  16. I think the bra Barbara Bel Geddes is designing at the beginning of Vertigo is based on the Golden Gate Bridge – will have to check.

  17. Wasn’t that based on the one designed/engineered for Jane Mansfield?
    Deus Ex Macintosh’s last blog post..Hadron Collider wrecked by helium leak

  18. Fascinating discussion! My male nipples are 1/3 of the way from shoulder to elbow if that means anything 🙂

  19. “The same engineering that holds up the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco has been used in the Jeunique bra”

    Constant re-painting?

  20. Constant re-painting?

    No, no, no. Steel-reinforced concrete pylons drilled into rock.

  21. The thing that gets me most about girdles, “assless” or otherwise, is that they are ALWAYS modelled by women who don’t need a girdle now and probably never will. I mean, really. Could that woman BE any skinnier? Let’s see some truth in advertising for a change – items of clothing modelled by the very people they are targetted at – Rubenesque chicks like me. THAT I’d like to see…

  22. Howard Hughes designed such a bra for Jane Russell, or so the publicity says. Ah, yes Barbara bel Geddes in ‘Vertigo’ with her special structurally sound bra. That’s a great, but weird, film moment.

  23. No, no, no. Steel-reinforced concrete pylons drilled into rock.

    And men suffering the bends when they come up for air.

  24. I’ll take the 16 F with decompression chamber, thanks. Wait, no that was the Brooklyn bridge darnit.

  25. I bought three. I was told I could ski, do yoga and jogg. Well I went to a meeting in one. It left large blisters and cuts in my skin. I couldn’t wear a bra for a week. They cost $250.00 and I can’t wear them. What a scam. give me my floppy slippers (comfortable orgganic cotton sports bra) back.

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