Daily reader

ITWire: “Australia introduces licences for internet users

Internet users in Australia will have to take out licences from the next financial year else they will not be allowed to use the web, official sources told iTWire today.

According to these sources, the decision was taken recently in the wake of the bid to introduce a blacklist in a supposed attempt to block undesirable sites.

People in high places apparently realised that it was much better to have the public sign up for licences, the terms of which would ensure that they kept away from sites which the government deemed unsuitable for them to visit.

Guardian: “Twitter switch for Guardian, after 188 years of ink

The move, described as “epochal” by media commentators, will see all Guardian content tailored to fit the format of Twitter’s brief text messages, known as “tweets”, which are limited to 140 characters each.

msnbuddiesnineMSN plans to use a slimmer version of its “Buddy” Messenger icon

Calculations made on the popular digital cartoon character show it to have a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 33 in its current state, meaning Buddy would be clinically obese if it were a real person. Through modifications to the circumference of Buddy’s torso, ninemsn has created a slimmer, more buff version representing someone within a healthy BMI of 23.

ZDNet: “Conroy scraps filter blacklist”

DBCDE has struck a partnership with the Nine Network and nascent wowser group the Internet Temperance Society to develop The White List, an interactive digital TV show that will air once a week to showcase purportedly useful Web links and let the audience decide whether they should be added to Australia’s national whitelist.

Unlike a blacklist, which is a list of banned content, a whitelist is a list of acceptable content. Advocates argue that the technique provides for a much simpler filtering method than blacklists, since there is no ambiguity or risk of false positives.

In a style similar to that used for Australian Idol and Dancing with the Stars, viewers can SMS their votes and links will be approved on a majority-rules basis before being added to the whitelist.

Orroroo have dropped a decades-long coverup and issued an open warning about drop bears at the giant gum tree.

cautiondropbears

Google Australia: Introducing the gBall

In partnership with the official supplier of matchballs to the AFL, Sherrin, we’ve developed the gBall. It will be used in all school and amateur competitions – and go on sale to all Australians – this weekend.

With inbuilt GPS, motion sensor and artificial intelligence capabilities, the gBall has a number of amazing features, including the ability to measure kicks, get kicking tips, notify talent scouts and locate your lost ball on Google Maps. Quite simply, we think it’s the killer footy app.

gball

Adelaide Now: “Consortium hopping mad as city ‘frog cake’ stadium plan croaks

PLANS to build a giant frog cake stadium next to the Adelaide Oval have been scrapped after the mystery backers of the $300 million project lost their appetite.

AdelaideNow revealed details this morning of the 45,000 seat stadium to be built totally with private-sector backing and paying homage to a South Australian culinary favourite the frog cake.

XBox releases “Alpine Legend

Jam with alpine legends like Franz “The Manz” Lang and Johann Hornbostel. Shake the mountain tops with 100 classic Alphorn tracks including, “Whose spit is in my horn?” and “More goat bell (It needs)”.

Melbourne to bid for the Running of the Bulls

Victoria’s Tourism Minister Tim Holding [has announced] that Melbourne would bid to host the Running of the Bulls through the city’s laneways.

Mr Holding said Melbourne could steal the event from Pamplona, which has held it since the late 13th century, when the contract expires.

“For too long the people of Pamplona have monopolised this event, the Brumby Government is determined to grab the bull by the horns and snare this important event for Melbourne,” Mr Holding said.

Mumbrella: “Revealed: Secret government plan to tax Twitter

An insider at digital minister Stephen Conroy’s office told Mumbrella: “The stuff with Fake Stephen Conroy was the final straw. Although we pretended not to be bothered at the time, it put Twitter on our hit list. Now we have a great way of raising revenue from some of our biggest critics.”

NZ Herald: “Microsoft buys Apple

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer recently panned Apple as little more than a $500 logo – perhaps he was trying to get the value down before the purchase?

GetUp: “Personal Childcare Service at your Local MP’s Office

MPchildcare

Annnnd…. BaconLube!

We now make Bacon Salt, Baconnaise and Bacon Lip Balm. That last one seemed like a stretch at first, but now that bacon has successfully made the jump from food to personal care, we’re pushing it even further.

With that said, we’re happy to introduce our newest product, baconlube™. It’s not for sale yet, but we’re looking for early product testers to put our “Everything should taste like bacon” tagline to the test.

baconlube

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to figure out which of these stories is real. Without going to the links.



Categories: fun & hobbies

15 replies

  1. When we were living in Canberra the April Fool’s joke on the radio was that the ACT Govt had found a loophole in the GST legislation which meant that the GST couldn’t be applied in Canberra. We were so happy for about a minute, until we realised the date. Bastards.

  2. I’d say the one about the drop bears is real, but NO REAL AUSSIE would give away that secret! (…unless Orroroo are stealth!Kiwis! omg!)

  3. Is it that time of year already?
    Deus Ex Macintosh’s last blog post..Have we met?

  4. I’m guessing that the internet licence thing is the real one. 😡

  5. I’m hoping (for certain values of “hoping”) that the Bacon Lube is the one that is real. Everything else makes my head hurt.

  6. My guess, also, is that the Bacon one is real.

  7. Child care would be nice… *sigh*

  8. slimmer icon! wow I forgot about april fool’s day. my initial reaction to this post was: 😛

  9. omg! – the licenses…..
    THIS is what one of my staff was talking about yesterday.
    I love her to death, but she’s young and….let’s just say not terribly tech savvy, nor experienced in the ways of the world.
    It totally didn’t connect the whole “internet- it’s April 1st in other parts of the world already” when she was telling me about it.
    In my defense, her telling of the story was lacking in useful nouns and filled with far too many ambiguous pronouns.

  10. Well, I saw the licence thing as something similar to the British TV licences — it’s not that every single person needs one, but every person who has a connection in their name would need one — which is why I fell for it. 😛

  11. I gotta say that after some frustrating news, I totally needed this collection. Thanks, Lauredhel!
    If anyone can check out Google’s American version, the bit they’ve done today is FANTASTIC.

  12. I’m a member of the facebook group ‘A consortium of pub going, loose and forward women’, and someone has changed the name of the group to “Happy april fools, you dumb cunts”. The group logo of a picture of a pair of pink knickers has been changed to a photograph of faeces in a bowl.

  13. huckle, have Facebook sorted that out yet? They’re usually pretty prompt with hijacks.

  14. Beppie, I could see that making sense in Britain or Australia (which is where the joke orginated) but the American version that I heard had something to do with a virus that was scheduled to be let loose and that was the reason for the licenses or something. The point is that licenses is a simple enough idea to fool people, the whole virus story was too convoluted – even before it got to me – to be realistic.
    (I am right that Australia has tv licenses too, yes?)

  15. Tigtog – just checked and it has been fixed, four hours after it was changed. There is a message:
    ‘Hacked again ladies and gents! They loves us, don’t they. They can’t seem to stay away.’

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