Quickhit: alpha status now assured

Carol Nader reports in the SMH today that the Official Generation Code-Naming Authority?—?there is one, right? an important body that declares that Generation Z is so 2009??—?has decided that as of the 1st of January, Generation Alpha is being born. (Apparently we aren’t yet using non-ASCII characters here in the future.)

This means of course that everyone is birthing alpha-status children now. In the future, everyone is high status. So that’s new and exciting. But I see that in the future, the youth of tomorrow will still be “job-fickle”, and when it comes to the reproductive rate, it’s still all about the women, and when it comes to women, it’s still all about the reproductive rate:

However, [social researcher Mark] McCrindle predicts one in three alpha females will not have children.

Alpha males of course will continue to be invisible when it comes to society-wide reproductive trends. In other breaking news, ON NOES the children, they will be obese! Have you heard of the impending childhood obesity crisis? Just checking.

In other words, in all the important ways, you can be assured that the bright new tomorrow is pretty much exactly today. Funny that.

Categories: health, relationships

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3 replies

  1. Planning ahead to my grandchildren, I have decided that I want them to be Generation Tilde.

    I assume that all that is required for the attention of the Official Generation Code-Naming Authority is mentioning my desire upon this here Internet.

  2. The generation after that would be the beta males and beta females, and then it’s downhill from there.

  3. bright new tomorrow

    That’s exactly what I thought when I read Generation Alpha.

    And then we are much better than the Gammas and Deltas. Gammas are stupid. They all wear green, and Delta children wear khaki. Oh no, I don’t want to play with…

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