The Daily Mail song

Most of you probably know about the UK right-wing middle-class-white-grievance-pandering newspaper the Daily Mail, aka the Daily Fail and a variety of other nicknames.

Dan & Dan Films made a song about it.

Unfortunately, these particular headlines appear to be made up, though it took me a bit of researching to find that out – they ring pretty true for the Mail, and for papers like it. I’d very much like to see a version constructed with real headlines.


Heading: Dan & Dan Present The Daily Mail Song.

Dan and Dan, two youngish blokes with scruffy beards, stand against a beige background. The Dan on the left holds up Daily Mail news articles one by one, while the Dan on the right plays a guitar and sings the headlines.

Royals On The First Page!
Swine Flu and Road Rage
Find Maddie
Foreign Baddie
Put Him In A Big Cage
Bureaucratic Red Tape
Facebook Gang Rape
Gordon Out Dave In Before The Country Caves In
Ian Huntly Gets His Own Jacuzzi And A Gym In Jail
It’s absolutely true because I read it in the Daily Mail.

Bring Back Capital Punishment for Paedophiles
Photo Feature On Schoolgirl Skirt Styles
Binge Britain! Single Mums!
Pensioners! Hoodie Scum!
Oversexed And Underaged
(foreign stories half a page)
Criminals Get Marks & Spencer Vouchers When Released On Bail
It’s absolutely true because I read it in the Daily Mail.

Ban This Gay Smut
I’m Not Racist But…
Car Crime Knife Crime
Hang-The-Cheating-Wife Time
Pop Stars Take Drugs
Teen Boys Wear Hoods
Sports Stars Have Sex
Bears Shit In Woods
Brussels Politicians Want To Stop Us Drinking English Ale
It’s absolutely true because I read it in the Daily Mail.

Climategate! Petrol Prices!
Potholes! Credit Crisis!
Gypsies! Russell Brand!
Time We All Took A Stand
Modern Art, Where To Start? Trash The Lot Of It
Apart From Statuette Of A Puppy 50 Quid Plus P&P
Muslim Women Hiding Stolen Goods Behind Their Veil
It’s absolutely true because I read it in the Daily Mail.

Poles Paid To Give Blood
Immigration “Like A Flood”
Soft Touch British Isles
Cancer From Your Mobiles
Cancer From Your Laptop
Cancer From Your Root Crop
Cancer From Your Shoes, from your Dog, from your Pen Top
Immigrants Arriving On An Unprecedented Scale
It’s got to be the case if it’s written in the Daily Mail.

They never mince their words in the good old Daily Mail.
It’s absolutely true because I gather all my views from the Daily Mail.

[spoken] Dan applauds.
Dan: Thanks Dan, nice one.
Dan [who was holding the newspapers]: I’m just going to go and wash my hands, I think.
Dan: I would if I were you.

[hat-tip to shiny at geekfeminism]

Categories: media

Tags: ,

3 replies

  1. Hehe. Thanks for the transcript.

  2. Actually, the UK’s right-wing middle-class-white-grievance-pandering newspaper is the Daily Telegraph (aka the Daily Torygraph). The Daily Mail tends to be the tabloid of choice for their right-wing white working-class tradesmen.

  3. Another difference being that the Torygraph is a good newspaper with a challenging cryptic and excellent cricket coverage. The Daily Mail, by contrast, specialises in confected outrage and attempts to discuss every news item’s potential effect on house prices inside the M25 ring road (a.k.a England’s biggest car park).
    .-= skepticlawyer´s last blog ..Ricky Martin comes out! =-.

%d bloggers like this: