Otterday! And Open Thread.

Today’s baby otter comes to us via The Daily Squee.

very tiny baby otter curled up asleep in someone's hands

Please feel free to use this thread to natter about anything your heart desires. Is there anything great happening in your life? Anything you want to get off your chest? Reading a good book (or a bad one)? Anything in the news that you’d like to discuss? What have you created lately? Commiserations, felicitations, temptations, contemplations, speculations?



Categories: Life

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26 replies

  1. Heya L.,
    I am having a Really Quite Horrified By Another Woman But I Can’t Explain Exactly Why And Am I Really Justified day and I need a hand.
    Very odd conversation this morning with female flatmate of my partner yesterday morning.
    I’d stayed over – he’d left and I’d slept in. I came out of the bathroom to see her, smiled, apologised for taking so long, said I hadn’t known she was home or I would have been out sooner.
    She frowned at me, asked me if “This was my load of washing” brandished blue sheets.
    I said “No, it’s [boyfriend’s].”, slightly confused.
    “Yeah, well that makes it yours,” she said, “So if you could hang it out, that would be good.”
    I ignored it, just said, “Yeah, ” smiled, turned away, left the house. I just couldn’t think of a polite way of responding. Not sure if there will be any consequences to my partner, or to me, when I next come over.
    I read it as a bullying behaviour, and was fairly horrified that it came from someone who claims to be a 38-year-old feminist.
    This is a relationship I try to contribute equally to — I spend a night or two with him a week and vice versa; my partner cooks for us and for parties that we host, so I always wash up when I’m over and help him out with housework when he is doing so. I’m wondering if she’s decided that I’m some sort of second class adjunct to him; I certainly seem to be treated as such. I’m planning to talk to her quietly about it, at least deliver some sort of “look, that behaviour was entirely inappropriate” sentence, but I’d appreciate some help defining *why*. (It was inappropriate, wasn’t it? the usual anxieties are kicking in.) I’m also worried about bringing this up on “her turf”; I thought maybe if I just kept it to a sentence and said that I would be happy to further discuss this elsewhere. Thoughts?

  2. ememem, I’m only guessing, but that sounds like of like the issue of the washing is a proxy for some larger issue she has with your partner’s and/or your contribution to the household, something your partner should try and get to the bottom of.
    My own sense of the etiquette in this situation is that I’m assuming you do have relatively free access to your partner’s private spaces in the house, and his flatmate does not. So I think it would be appropriate for her to say something like “[partner]’s has left his washing in the machine and I need to get mine done, could you ask him to hang it or take it into his room, please? That would be a huge help.” That is, if she wants to use the machine it’s reasonable to ask someone a favour to help with it in the easiest possible way, if she acknowledges that it’s a favour she’s asking.
    My instinct is also that this is your partner’s fight, that since you are his guest and he’s the co-householder he should go to his flatmate and say “ememem stays here as my guest, please don’t treat her as if she’s supposed to do my household chores or clean up after me. If the issue is my contributions to the house, let’s talk about that or if the issue is ememem staying here regularly as my guest, let’s talk about that.” Depending on how you feel you might ask to be present for the latter.

  3. Thanks Mary, I’m assuming that you’re probably right; it is either a proxy for a larger issue or an attempt to provoke some sort of conflict, I think. You’ve phrased that so much better than I could; thanks.

  4. ememem – I don’t know what I’d do in your situation. I honestly don’t. Possibly cry. I wish you luck in dealing with that. I second what Mary said.
    Oh, and I don’t know if I’ve linked this here before or not, but it’s a very cute otter:

  5. Any woman who tells you that the washing is your boyfriend’s and “that makes it yours” isn’t remotely feminist in my book.

  6. Speaking of washing (it happens to be slightly more my responsibility in my house, partner is a washing up man), Sydney’s weather this last week has been very much “look look look, a bit of sun GET IT OUT GET IT OUT NOW.” Currently have three loads on my balcony.
    Mindy hoped on the picnic thread if a few hours and a stiff breeze would sort hers out… in my case I sadly have my doubts.

  7. Last winter, I noticed one night that a wall in our bathroom was really, really hot. Fearing some sort of electrical fault has started or was about to start a fire inside the wall, I called my dad, who’s good at these things, who came round, felt the wall, and went “Duh, that’s your heating flue. Had the heater on this evening, had we?”
    Now we have an indoor pull-out clothes line on that wall, so it uses the heat from the heater.

  8. Tempted to go back to Dymock’s Sydney store. I was buying a couple of Sookie Stackhouse novels and got a ‘funny look’ from the guy I’d asked to point me in the right direction, like ‘Why are you reading *those*?’. Found them, grabbed a couple, got into a discussion with another guy working there about the tv show and what I liked about it, when the first guy came back. He listened for a while then he showed me some vampire novels I’d not come across and said they were like ‘Buffy on steroids’. Now I love me a Buffy, so I grabbed one. Last night I started reading and it’s AWFUL! Truly horrendous writing. I mean seriously, I’m not sure who would lose in a battle between this and Twighlight, at least there was something vaguely ‘smooth’ about the writing in Twighlight even if that is the best you can say, whereas this was pretentious word salad. I would like to go back and explain that women who read vampire stories aren’t just ‘into vampire stories’ willy nilly, so much so that they will read any piece of trash so long as it involves the undead. For some reason it’s really bugged me, I find it obnoxious and condescending, and I think he’s probably not read either, and think he really needs to rethink his approach that suggests women are totally uncritical readers. And yes, I too have MUCH backed up laundry to attend to!

  9. FP, was that Cassandra Clare? Daughter has a CC book next to the toilet, I keep having to restrain myself from dumping it IN the toilet.

  10. In her defence, that’s the only really bad book I’ve noticed her reading in ages.
    Currently reading David Vann’s Legend of a Suicide – Horror!

  11. No Helen, it’s a Laurell K Hamilton ‘Anita Blake’ book. I keep trying to tell myself it will improve, but it could improve out of sight and still be bad, so I think I’ll stop and just deal with the risk I’m ‘missing out’.

  12. I haven’t read LKH’s Anita Blake ones, but she is quite popular so I don’t think that person was trying to lead you astray. I have read her ‘Seelie’ series which are really trashy grown up fairy stories with lots of s*x and a kind of feminist (hmm, maybe strong is a better word) female protagonist. I will have to try one of the Anita Blake series now to see what they are like.

  13. I’ve read most of the Anita Blake’s. I think they’re pretty much pulp. The first one or two were inteersting, in the world-building that was going on, (legal ramifications of vampires being recognised as people, werewolves, too. Necromancy as a valid career choice and how it may slot into the world as we know it…) but still wasn’t very well written, and they seemed to fairly quickly degenerate from “here’s a whodunnit plot… with sexy funtimes on the side!” to “here’s SexyFunTimesEveryWhichWayAndOffTheChandeliers.. whoops! Forgot to write a plot about the killer of the body in chapter one. Oh well, here’s three pages of action at the end of twenty chapters.”

  14. I just now found out that the major feminist academic organisation in Australia is giving me an award for my PhD! *dances* I am so happy!

  15. @WP – Fantastic! That’s marvellous news. And congratulations. And well done you for doing such an excellent thesis in the first place.
    Raising a metaphorical glass in your direction (at this time of day it’s a cup of coffee).

  16. Thanks, everyone 🙂 I feel like I went for ages with very little feedback on my work, so it’s a bit overwhelming to be having so much positive stuff coming back to me now!
    And tigtog, showering with bubbly booze sounds fun, but also like a summertime activity 😉

  17. You might have a point about the summertiminess. I saw blue sky this morning and felt discombobulated.

  18. Congratulations, WP!
    .-= Kirstente´s last blog ..Humourless feminists. =-.

  19. Congratulations WP! That is truly awesome news! Woohoo to you.

  20. Grrrr – a response on LP (by a relative newbie) to being challenged on his use of “cunts” as a term of abuse:

    Well, sisters, the word is, for better or for worse, the gravest insult in the English language, which was kind of the point. The fact that it is misogynist in origin is to me neither here nor there, notwithstanding that I respect women in general, though not all of them. YMMV indeed.
    However, since I don’t like to offend people in their own home, as it were, unless I really want to, to you tigtog, I apologise.

    There you have it. Using misogyny to demean men by comparing them to (obviously) contemptible women is “neither here nor there”. After italicising “sisters”.
    What an immensely appealing fauxgressive young man.

  21. Congrats, WP. That’s pretty damn amazing. 🙂
    Also — WOO, I GOT TICKETS TO SEE STEPHEN FRY ON JULY 28TH!!! 😀 😀 😀

    • Beppie – hooray on the Fry tix! Deffo a HoydenFryFan meetup before/after the show then!
      In less cheerful news, attended my cousin’s funeral today yesterday. 56, stomach cancer. He was from the side of the family that doesn’t keep in touch much, so we didn’t even know he was ill.
      Ian was the only rebel on that side of the family when I was young, so of course I thought he was wonderful with his motorbike and taking us out on the boat (he only stranded us on the sandbar once…)
      It was a good show – dozens of people from his workplace as well as friends and family. I wish I’d known him better in recent years.

  22. Tigtog — didn’t a lot of you get tickets for July 27th instead? Basically, the pre-sale (which I missed out on) was so popular that they decided to put on a second night on the 28th, and by the time I bought my tickets, the 27th was sold out completely.
    I also already have plans to meet up with a couple of people pre-show, but I know that at least one of them is a Hoyden lurker (and quite possibly both of them are), so if there are other Hoydenizens going on the 28th, I can ask them if they’re comfy with meeting up with some Hoyden folks too (but I can’t speak for them, of course — I would have to ask).
    I’m sorry to hear about your cousin; thank you for sharing your memories here — it sounds like he was a good person.

    • Ah – I didn’t quite catch the date in your earlier comment, Beppie!
      Quite right, mine and various others are for the 27th. Oh well … it sounds like you’ll have plenty of other people to meet up with anyway.

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