I know which I’ll choose

WA Today: Hunt on for Easter best without holiday excess:

“Moderation, the National Heart Foundation agrees, is the key as just one 100-gram Cadbury egg contains 2230 kilojoules (532 calories) and will take at least a 40-minute run to burn off.”

You know, they never tell you that you could “burn it off” just as readily with two to two and a half hours of croquet or mini-golf, an hour and a half of cleaning up all the goddamn almighty mess from the family Easter celebration that they’ve all left you to do, or four hours of lazing the fuck around munching chocolate and watching Doctor Who. No, that chocolate spends a lifetime on your hips unless you immediately jump up and go for a jog.

Also? I can’t remember the last time I ate 100 grammes of chocolate all in one go. And when my kid gets more than one or two Easter eggs, I clean them out of his drawer at Halloween.

But cheers for the fat panic, Fairfax! God forbid a day go by without a reminder of the foul spectre of the fatty fatfats that threaten to destroy our society.

[…] three months of opportunity to buy something that isn’t a nutritious snack.

Actually, chocolate is really quite nutrient-dense. You said so yourself right up there. Do attempt to keep your story straight.

In other headlines this fine weekend:

Easter Bunny Should Deliver Vegetables, Not Chocolate

Ban the Easter egg hunt

BRUSSELS sprouts or chocolate eggs? It is not a difficult decision for any kid. However, an academic believes parents would be doing their children a favour by sending them on hunts for vegetables rather than traditional Easter eggs.

And more:

Call To Turn Easter Bunny Into A Healthy Lifestyle Pin-Up

NHS advises egg rations for Easter

Try filling Easter baskets with non-sugary treats this year

Easter egg calorie count for children to reach 12,000

‘Chocolate-gorging fest’ over Easter will see British children eat equivalent of 1KG of sugar (and a week’s worth of calories)

Choc horror: Is Easter Bunny worse than fat Santa?

Categories: Life, media, Sociology

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7 replies

  1. Because didn’t you know that 1 calorie of chocolate will instantly make you a horrible disgusting disease ridden affliction on the rest of humanity, while 100 calories of lettuce instantly turns you into every male’s fantasy (which you are, of course, obligated to act out for him).
    I am quickly coming to loathe Easter, Halloween and Valentines season, because people look at me and make assumptions that of course I’m sitting alone at night wallowing in freakish misery and eating entire five pound bags of sweets because nobody could ever love someone like me. I don’t even like going down the seasonal candy aisle at the store because half the time there will be some kid throwing a fit because they want candy and the parent will use me as an object lesson of the “you don’t want to end up looking like THAT do you?!” variety.
    These kinds of articles don’t help much with that, they probably just fuel people’s already well developed loathing towards fat people and make it just that much worse every year.

  2. OMG!!! The

    fat panic

    We should start using that expression whenever the fat panic breaks out in the media. It’s hilarious!

  3. I had chocolate for breakfast but mysteriously a crushing sense of shame and self-hatred has failed to descend.
    That being said, I’m not going to click on any of those links and you can’t make me. 😛 The headlines are bad enough.

  4. Quite frankly, the only way I would have hunted for vegetables as a kid is if we were picking them from the back garden. Even then, I probably would have preferred to be hunting for fruit or berries (the Cape Gooseberry bush was always fun to chase around in). But then, as a kid we didn’t have the Easter egg hunts – and given my father was a minister of a church until I was about twelve (and my mother worked night shift on Friday and Saturday nights, thus sleeping all weekend) we got the full religious context of everything, too.
    I think the papers have got entirely too used to producing the standard Easter run of moral outrage – it used to be about how people were neglecting the “true meaning” of Easter (or in other words, it was the regular bi-annual tirade from the churches about declining attendance) but in these increasingly secular times, the tolerance for such rants is minimal. So they’ve switched over to the next available locus for moral outrage – food, weight and body-shaming – and they’re recycling the same sorts of moral outrage articles there.

  5. Jessica Irvine decided in SMH that fat people couldn’t do maths and did a simple calculation of how many calories in a Cadbury Creme egg, how many calories a woman trying to lose weight should consume each day (apparently fat men don’t exist) and how much exercise this straw woman would need to do to lose a kilo using a calories in calories out model. Apparently straw woman couldlose a kilo in twelve days just doing her normal daily stuff with half an hour of exercise six out of seven days. The really good news was that fat people burn calories at the same or faster rate than non fat people so it works for us too. Ignoring the fact that not everyone has the same mobility, the possibility of thyroid condition or just doesn’t care about fucking losing weight or any of the other eleventybillion reasons people have for not slavishly dieting.
    Jessica Irvine is an economist. She got all her info from one of the trainers on Biggest Loser.

  6. Screw those guys. I love Easter, I love chocolate. People warn me all the time not to eat chocolate, and I say (I’m sick of saying), “Look… I already can’t indulge in alcohol or marijuana because they disagree with me. I can’t eat anything with wheat in it, so 80 percent of fast food is out. I don’t eat a *lot* of food, ever, so really, what else do I have? If I don’t each chocolate, WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE?”
    Chocolate is my treat. And in Easter, it’s presented in particularly palatable shelled shapes that are a delight to consume. I refuse to feel bad about giving myself a treat, gard-darmit.

  7. ”Imagine giving your child an Easter basket filled with Brussels sprouts instead of chocolate Easter eggs. Although the protests would be heard loud and clear, Dr. Nathan Grills, a public health specialist, reports in the Medical Journal of Australia that such a switch would be a healthy move, and that the Easter bunny should act as a healthy childhood role model and deliver vegetables instead of chocolate.
    The Easter bunny could be a pin-up bunny
    Using the art of satire and an icon of the holiday, Grills emphasizes that the Easter bunny could better serve children everywhere if it were shown to promote and distribute nutritious vegetables and fruits rather than energy-dense, nutritionally poor (EDNP) food such as chocolate. “

    There seems to be a lot of confusion about the word ‘satire’ these days. A LOT.

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