Trailer for Star Wars Downunder. Star Wars Downunder is a 30 minute Star Wars fan film which finally answers the age old question, that has confounded many a film buff before: What would happen if you crossed Star Wars with an Australian beer commercial. Answer? Star Wars Downunder: an epic tale of the good, the bad and the thirsty.
(The wise old alien mate, whom I have chosen to call Cobber since he’s not named in the trailer, is wearing traditional Australian stubbies and singlet, and probably has thongs on his feet if only we could see them)
(sound of aircraft landing)
[Merve walks down the landing ramp and surveys the desert landscape]
Cobber (voiceover): Well, well, well. Look what the flamin’ cat’s dragged in. I always knew you’d be back Merv.
Merv: Flamin’ ‘ell!
[Merv walks up to a stranger]
Merv: G’day! Merv Bushwacker!
(light sabers swish)
Merv: I’m a Jedi.
Ocker Solo: Get yer hand off it mate.
[Cobber’s bush camp]
Cobber: Wake up to yerself Merv. You’ve been away too long. The drongo’s taken it all.
Merv (looking around an eerily empty brewery): Bugger me!
[shots of Drongo’s troopers attacking pubs and breweries]
Ocker Solo: (voiceover): Darth Drongo. Trashed all the pubs and racked off with all the amber fluid. No bugger knows why he does it.
Merv (voiceover): Let’s stop buggerizing around fellas. This bloke’s really startin’ to brown me off.
[back in the bush]
Cobber: I’ll tell ya what, I know these rebel blokes.
Cobber (voiceover while men in red overalls attack Drongo’s troopers with fliers and lasers): You mighta rocked up just in time to stick it to Drongo.
Bearded Rebel: Get out of it ya mongrels!
(music and shots fired)
Merv (to Ocker Solo): We’re going in tomorrow mate.
Cobber: We’re gonna need more than you and that thing hangin’ off ya belt to get us in.
(music, aircraft noise and shots fired)
[attempting to retake the brewery]
Drongo: Merv the Bushwacker. You no-hoper. Look at ya! Hopeless!
[back at the rebel camp]
Cobber: She’ll be right mate.
[in a quiet field somewhere]
Cobber (to a very similar-looking alien with long flowing hair): You’re a dead-set spunk!
[on a cliff overlooking the battle]
Unnamed Rebel: He’s gonna take the bolt now, it’s flamin’ over!
[back in the brewery, something out of our field of vision rises to confront Cobber]
Cobber: Oh sweet buggery.
[Merv finds a stash of beer]
Merv (lifting high an ice cold can of beer): It’s cold, it’s frosty, it’s beautiful!
Merv: Stop this madness now ya boofheads!
[Merv staring at Drongo?, holding his light sabre hilt high]
Merv: I have had a bloody gutful!
(light sabre sound)
(soft music over credits)
Voice Off 1: So what do ya reckon?
Voice Off 2: Oh yeah…