Some recommended reading:
John Scalzi lays out the 101 on why the defensive “but not all P are Qists” argument functions as just another silencing tactic whether one means it that way or not, and notes how falling back on it blocks one’s ethical self-examination of how one benefits from the status quo: The Four Levels of Discrimination (and You) (and Me, Too).
Soraya Chemaly’s post at Role/Reboot on 10 major everyday sexisms that many people don’t even notice is a great introduction to ambient sexism.
Both are discussing some of the issues I raised back in 2009 with On unexamined privileges and unconscious behaviours, where I reference Peggy McIntosh: White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack and Andrea Rubenstein (tekanji): “Check my what?” On privilege and what we can do about it. So these posts are not a new set of thoughts by any means, but it’s a good discussion to keep on having, because if we don’t, those lurking ambient/unconscious/unexamined/everyday attitudes keep festering away unchecked.