Marry, shag, or throw off a cliff? Reality TV edition

I’ve been agonising over whether to post this M/S/C instalment, for the same reasons that I get a bit squicky over RPS. Are reality TV hosts fictionalised enough that we can have a bit of fun with their on-screen personae? I do ask that you confine yourself, in this post, to looking at them as constructed media characters only.

So. Marry/Shag/Cliff? I have three threesomes today: USA, UK and Australia. Choose from one or all. The USA comes first, because my primary interest in this M/S/C edition is the Phil/Jeff smackdown.

For bonus points, which host’s reality-show catchphrase would you most like whispered in your ear?

USA

Jeff Probst of Survivor; Phil Keoghan of The Amazing Race; and Ryan Seacrest of American Idol?

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UK

Simon Cowell of Pop Idol, The X Factor, and Britain’s Got Talent; Davina McCall of Big Brother; and Ant and Dec of Britain’s Got Talent and I’m a Celebrity… Get Me out of Here!

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Australia

Gretel Killeen of Big Brother; Kyle Sandilands of Big Brother and Australian Idol; and James Mathison & Andrew G of Australian Idol?

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Categories: fun & hobbies

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11 replies

  1. Cliff Kyle! Cliff Kyle! I don’t mind about the others, just cliff Kyle!
    That said, Ant and Dec are kind of sweet, from what I’ve seen of them.

  2. Ok. I tried to answer the US and UK section. I really did. But 6/7 are made out of grease.
    Aus
    Marry? Andrew G and James M, just so they can finally be together. (Do you swear to love, honor and obey this woman and this man? We’ll find out… after the break.)
    Shag? Gretel, just because I really really want to cliff Kyle.
    Cliff? Kyle, for being a objectifying douche.
    What would you answer?

  3. Put them all on a big raft in the middle of the Pacific… and one paddle.

  4. I only know the Brits so can’t comment on the others. I’d throw Simon Cowell off a cliff… then winch him back up and do it again. Davina can have a very small cliff. I like Ant and Dec but I don’t fancy either of them. Can I just take them to the pub?

  5. Do I have to keep ANY of them? (I suppose Davina’s okay, she made a great zombie…)
    DeusExMacintosh’s last blog post..All together now…

  6. USA: Shag Jeff, Cliff Phil and marry Ryan just to watch the heads explode
    UK: I’d shag Simon just so I could give him a crap review. Which leaves marrying Davina and spending an afternoon abseiling with Ant&Dec.
    Oz: Cliff Kyle with alacrity, shag Gretel and get my husband to use his sparkling new celebrant certificate to marry James & Andrew G. I’ll hold the rings.

  7. Tigtog @6 “I’d shag Simon just so I could give him a crap review”
    LOL, You’ve just made my day.

  8. Ant and Dec are, for me, faintly reminiscent of hobbits and therefore I don’t think that I would be able to cliff, marry or shag either of them.

  9. And this is where I confess my soft spot for Jeff. For all his faults (and the egregious racist exoticisation crap that the whole show is): he’s so enthusiastic about his work, and about the people involved. He just loves it when people are interesting, even when they’re not particularly likeable – rarely does he have nothing good to say about a contestant. And when a contestant is being a giant douche, he needles them just enough, and in the right ways, to bring it out to light, without breaking character and confronting them head-on. But mostly I just love it that he’s been doing this for nearly twenty seasons now and still gets a giant kick out of it. He shines with glee coming into each season, and he is never, ever visibly bored. It’s like he never grew past that pre-tween enthusiasm. Being massively cynical myself, someone the opposite of that has a strange kind of appeal.
    Plus, comment 2 on James & Andrew G, for the win.

  10. I think the real question is: Is there anyone out there who wouldn’t cliff Kyle?

  11. I might be guilty of cliffing the lot of them and then asking ‘sorry what was the question’. Although I do have a soft spot for James. You could tell he was getting sick of the whole Idol thing last series and probably came close to getting fired a few times with some off the cuff remarks. Improved the show no end.

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