A few weeks ago a tumblr was started which highlighted the OK Cupid dating profiles of certain men who claimed to be Nice/Decent, but whose answers on optional stock questions set by OK Cupid revealed various degrees of Not-Nice/Not-Decent attitudes. After garnering much controversy in its short life, it has now been taken down (probably because they posted identifiable faces).
Clementine lays out the back-story for those who haven’t heard about it yet at the Daily Life – Opinion: The Nice Guys of OK Cupid (aka NGOKC), analyses some of the criticisms, and concludes:
The difference in commentary regarding the treatment of NGOKC targets and, say, the women whose photos are published without their knowledge on Zoo’s Facebook page, or targeted by misogynist websites like Is Anyone Up? (a submissions based website which posted private photographs of women, often in states of undress, without their consent), or accused of being potential prostitutes because of how and whom they had sex with in their private lives is pretty clear. While the former have done nothing other than pursue their natural right to sex and companionship (rights that inform their identities as men), the latter are partially responsible for their vilification because they should have known better. Simply put: it’s punishment enough for men to have to pursue sex online, and to further mock them for it is cruel and dangerous. But women deserve to be shamed online for how they choose to have sex – particularly if it’s not with you.
If NGOKC is guilty of anything, it’s perhaps doing its job too well. By exposing the sense of entitlement experienced by men by virtue of their birthright, NGOKC also demonstrated the double standard exercised against men and women when it comes to sex and relationships, and they right to pursue – or deny – either. More importantly, it highlighted how sex is seen is something integral to men’s identities but peripheral to women’s – a gift she gives from compassion rather than one she seeks out through need and desire. For people who rail against the ‘friend zone’, the distinction is clear. Men who are nice deserve sex. And women who are nice give it.
The Daily Life thread will no doubt shortly be full of hostile commentors. If you’re feeling up to it, why not wade in with your clue-cards? If you’re not feeling up to it (and I don’t blame you) then stick around here.