“You’re such a buzzkill, snopes.”

A little Friday video divertissement: What happens when Google’s parents leave town for the weekend.

[NSFW.]

Transcript, as best as I could manage it:

[The conceit: each social networking site is a person at a college-age party. They are identified by name-tag logos.]

Jessie: “Thank you so much for the evite.”

Google: “No problem. Let me introduce you around. I know everyone.”

Jessie: “Really? Because I was actually supposed to find sombody. Uh- Craig?”

Google: “Ooh – say no more. I’ll go find him for you.”

Jessie: “Wait, I didn’t even tell you what he looks like!”

Google: “I’m feeling lucky!” [winks]

[Jessie looks around the party]

Fling.com: “Oh my god, you HAVE to meet my friend Cathy. She totally puts out!”

Rate My Rack, in low cleavage, is surrounded by gooberish men, who are saying “Nine.” “Seven.”

Flickr is by himself, taking covert upskirt photos of RateMyRack.

Ebaum’s World and Something Awful are yelling at each other

Ebaum’s World: “[?] blocked, motherfucker!”

Something Awful: “Quit stealing my shit!”

Ebaum’s World: “The internet is public domain!”

[Somthing Awful punches Ebaum’s World, who goes down]

Ebay approaches Jessie.

Ebay: “Hey, little lady.”

Jessie: “Hi.”

Ebay proffers gold unicorn on his neckchain. “I saw you checkin’ out the bling. Like it? I got like thirty of them just layin’ around. I mean – you do like unicorns?”

Jessie: “Sure.”

Ebay: “28 cents!”

Jessie: “Really?”

[Amazon cuts in]

Amazon: “If you like that, you might also be interested in -”

Ebay: “Hey! Back off, Amazon, she’s mine.” [Amazon backs off] “Look. Make up your mind. Eight seconds, and I’m giving it to that guy. Seven Six. Five. FOUR”

Jessie: “Why not? I mean, what’s 28 cents, right?”

Ebay: “Riiiight! Plus twenty bucks shipping.”

Jessie: “What?!!”

Ebay: “Hey, that outburst counts as a legally binding agreement. Can I get a WITNESS?”

[Paypal] “Yep! I heard her!”

Jessie: “Who are you?”

Ebay: “Paypal. “You can give him the money.”

Jessie: “But I bought it from you!”

Ebay: “No, you bought it from pinoypower182, trust me.”

[Jessie hands over the money. Paypal slaps hands with Ebay, and shouts] “Transaction complete!”

Ebay: “Sweet. I gotta get this money to the Philippines. Lates!”

Cracked, to Mapquest: “And the sixth most under-rated Smurf of all time – ”

Ebay: “Hey Mapquest!”

Mapquest: “Hang on. Yes?”

Ebay: “Philippines.”

Mapquest: “Oh, yeah. You uh – Here, I’ll just show you.”

digg: “Go on…”

facebook goes up to Jessie and pokes her on the shoulder.

Jessie “Hi.”

facebook: “Frank Wayne and Kerry Harding are friends now.”

Jessie: [why-should-I-care look]

facebook: [pokes Jessie again]

Jessie: “Do I know you?”

facebook: “Nope! But I know you. I know everything about you.”

Jessie: “What?”

facebook: “Nothing! You wanna be friends with Winston Chen?”

Jessie: “Who’s Winston Chen?”

facebook: “Winston Chen is totally stressing about finals. You wanna see his pictures? He said you two hooked up.”

Jessie: “He said WHAT?”

facebook: “Or you could just skip that stuff!”

Jessie: “Leave me alone.”

facebook: “Do you want me to poke him back?”

Jessie: “Yes.”

facebook: “Fine.” [walks away]

[Jessie looks pissed off, swigs her drink]

“Karen Riault is attending! Lisa needs everybody -”

Jessie: “GO AWAY!”

digg: “Ah, knock it off! Who invited you anyway, facebook?”

facebook: “Myspace?”

[Myspace is drawing penis-graffiti on a whiteboard and whooping drunkenly]

Myspace [slurring]: “Someone wanna be my friend? Who wants to BE MY FUCKING FRIEND?”

Paypal: “So it turns out, aspartame causes all these diseases.”

Snopes: “False.”

Paypal: “That’s just what I heard!”

Snopes: “Well you heard a shit sandwich.”

Paypal: “You’re such a buzzkill, snopes.”

Wikipedia: “I heard Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite.”

Snopes: “Unverified.”

Wikipedia: “Really? Might remember that one.” [scrawls in notepad]

Jessie: “Hey, do you guys know where Google went?”

Paypal: [shrugs] “Ask Jeeves.”

Jeeves: [turns around to face them] “Mm?”

YouTube [rushes in]: “Yo yo yo Mike [?] just yacked everywhere, and guess who got it on video!”

Snopes: “No one wants to see it.”

Jeeves: “On the contrary, sir, you’ve piqued my curiosity.”

Snopes: “Well, take it to the den.”

Wikipedia: “I thought this was the den?”

Jessie: “I think this is the bedroom.”

Wikipedia: “Ohhh. Well what’s a den?”

Jessie: “Uhhh…”

Snopes: “Just make something up. It doesn’t matter to her.”

[Google enters with shy-looking guy who has his hands in his pockets]

Google: “Jessie! I found your friend!”

[Jessie formally introduces them]: “Google, this is Craig…… sList.”

[Google extends her hand to shake, Craig snubs it]

Craigslist [nods]: “Hey.” [approaches Jessie] “So uh – shall we do this?”

Jessie: “You said you were ripped and black.”

Craigslist: “You said you were two fat Asians.”

Jessie: “Fair enough. Google, where’s the bathroom?”

[Google points. As Jessie and Craig leave the room holding hands, Google stops her]

Google: “Are you sure about this? He could have a disease.”

Jessie: “I’m feelin’ lucky!”

[Google and Craigslist open doors down the hallway. In the first room is Youtube and Jeeves, looking at a laptop.]

Youtube: “So – what did you think of the video?”

Jeeves: “Gay.”

[In the second room is Cracked and digg, looking a little embarrassed at being interrupted. Cracked slams the door. Craigslist and Jessie go into the bathroom, Craigslist sits on the toilet and pulls his trousers down. Urban Dictionary pokes his head in the door]

[offscreen] “Oh my god! Oh! What are you DOING?”

Urban Dictionary [turns to the camera]: “That’s a blumpkin, yo!”



Categories: Meta, technology

6 replies

  1. Brilliant! Good find.
    Shaun’s last blog post..Bob Brozman at Lizottes 10th Jan 2008

  2. Heh. Great choice of quote for the title.

  3. I love it.
    I’m just sad they didn’t get a couple of other sites in there…
    I’d love to have seen xkcd in there.

  4. Wow, that was quite the production! Who thinks of this stuff? It was a funny video though!!
    Duckies Blog’s last blog post..An Unforgiving Religion – or a Government’s Show of Control?

  5. Hilarious. I think when Youtube comes rushing in, he says that myspace puked.

  6. AWESOME CLIP! Some of the best writing I have seen in a while, very clever, well done! And yes he says “myspace just puked…”
    LATES!

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