Big Brother Friday Fauxpology: Mo’s been in the headmaster’s office before, hasn’t he?

Just thought I’d revisit Big Brother UK with a little “Oh no he didn’t!” post.

As clip one begins, Mikey, the blind cross-dressing Scotsman radio dude, has just had his hair shaved off as part of a task. The task involved the housemates cutting or clipping their hair such that the combined hair filled a flask to the top.

[Transcripts/summaries of clips are at the bottom of the post.]

I’m guessing Mo would justify this action, outside the house, as being just him, paragon of equalism, treating everyone equally badly. You can sure tell that he’s been in that hot chair before, and knows exactly the script to follow, though he still stumbles over it. It grates.

Later in the day, Stu helps Mikey get his own back. (Background: It is Mikey’s job, as head of household, to stop fellow housemates from sleeping during the day.)

I’m having trouble choosing categories for this post. “Entertainment”, ok, because it’s on TV. Ethics? Peeves? Bigotry? Relationships? Violence? Disability? Do we need a tag for “Don’t hit people over the back of the head. Don’t hit people who can’t see you coming over the back of the head.” Or maybe it could just fall under “Random bullying and arseholishness.”


Clip One:

[Mikey emerges from the diary room. The other housemates clap and cheer his newly bald head. Rachel feels his scalp, and admires it. People say he looks different, a bit like a thug. Mohammed has previously whinged about this task, and said that he refuses point blank to have any of his hair trimmed at all. They are on their second go at the task, having failed the first time due to not following the other rules. Mikey is trying to save Mohammed from having to have his hair cut.]

Mikey: “I can now announce that the jar is an inch away from the top. [people cheer] So everybody can go easy. But if we fail it a second time, the person with the most volume is Mohammed, because there’s no way that I can get any more off. So let’s just try and muck in, everybody.”

[Mohammed shakes his head and says “nooo”, others cheer, saying “Well done, Mikey”.]

Stu: “So that’s three of you! Three of you have gone to the extreme.” [others chat]

Mohammed approaches Mikey: “Mikey, can I just do something.”

Mikey: “yeah yeah” [seems to be assuming that Mohammed is going to stroke his head like some of the others did]

[Mohammed comes up behind Mikey, who has no chance of seeing him coming anyhow, and with no warning slaps him quite hard on the back of the head. Mikey screams and holds his head. Mohammed cracks up, grinning from ear to ear.]

Mikey: [not pleased] “Oh fucking hell, Mohammed. What was that for?”

[Mohammed laughs. He can’t speak clearly through his laughter.]

Kat: “Hit him back.”

[Darnell looks appalled. Nicole laughs. ]

Stu: “How does it feel, Mike?”

Mike: [motioning at his head, fairly obviously upset] “It felt better before he’d done that.”

[a couple of “ohh”s from the crowd. Mohammed has sat down on the sofas, and is still grinning.]

Cut to later in the diary room

Voiceover: “Big Brother has called Mohammed to the diary room.”

Big Brother: “Mohammed.”

Mohammed: “Mm-hm?”

BB: “At 15:51 today, you slapped Michael across the head.”

Mo [picking at his shirt and looking down] “Yeah”

BB: “Can you explain this action to Big Brother?”

Mo: [Long silence. Looks at camera. Feigns surprise.] “Oh!” “Um… I was, er, sort of like,” [makes slapping motions] “I just wanted to hit slightly for – uh – for a joke, I didn’t mean to sort of – uh – hit him. It was just like a – just again, like a [makes slapping motion] wave of his head, the bald head.”

BB: “Mohammed. Do you see how tapping, or slapping, a housemate across the head could be unacceptable?”

Mo: [leans forward, looks a bit intense and worried]: “Yes.”

[Cut shot to lounge, Stu strokes Mikey’s head. Mikey is still looking a little shell-shocked.]

BB: “Big Brother never wants to discourage housemates from having fun. However, housemates must stay within the rules of Big Brother. Do you understand?”

Mo: “OK. Yes I do.” [wide eyes, robotic tone] “I will not repeat such actions. Um, ah, and I apologise. I’m sorry for – for doing that.”

BB: “Then the matter is closed, and you’re free to leave the diary room.”

Mo: “Thankyou.”

BB: “Thankyou, Mohammed.” [Mo leaves the diary room]

Mikey was waiting outside the diary room door. “What’s happening, Mo?”

Mo: “Uh, nothing. Can I talk to you?” [takes Mikey’s arm]

Mikey: “Yeah.” [rests hand on Mo’s shoulder to follow him to another room where they’re alone]

Mo: “Um, um, I didn’t, you know, you know when, when, ah, ah, I tapped you over there. I didn’t mean it in any bad way. I just did it as a, as a, as a friendly way. So, uh, I apologise, for anything.”

Mikey: “What, what for?”

Mo: “For tapping your head.” [taps the back of his own head as a demonstration, not making contact]

Mikey: “Oh, no, don’t worry.” [motions to back of his own head, mumbles]

Mo: “Uh – oh- uh – em- that’s, that’s all.”

Mikey: “Right, no, no, that’s fine.” [Mo keeps on mumbling and stammering while Mikey is speaking]

Mo: “You know what I mean? He deemed that way, in the diary room, but I – I – I did it sort of as a friend, in there.”

Mikey: “Oh, no no, yeah yeah no, it’s fine.”

Mo: [again talking over Mikey] “So I apologise, for anything.”

Mikey: “Don’t worry about it at all.”

Mo: “Yeah. Ok.”

Mikey: “Honestly, I’m not – it was just at the time, it was sore and, don’t – don’t mention it out there. It’s fine.”

Clip Two:

[not transcribed in detail, sorry]

Later in the day. It is Mikey’s job, as head of household, to stop fellow housemates from sleeping during the day, and Mohammed has been repeatedly warned. Mohammed is snoozing on the sofa. Stu summons Mikey, leads him to the sofa, says “Asleep”, and Mikey tips his bottle of water over Mohammed’s back. Mikey asks who is was, and Stu says “Mohammed”. Mohammed is not happy.]

Categories: arts & entertainment

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