Introducing Dr Travis Stork, the author of Don’t Be That Girl, who is finally laying out all the [redacted]-girl-behaviour on the table and warning women everywhere: stop blaming the blokes and start looking within.
If you’ve never watched the television show The Bachelor, Stork was on the hit show in season eight.
During the show, he got to date 25 gorgeous women in the hope of finding “the one”. Yet, unlike all the other bachelors, Stork – an emergency physician – could not choose one to marry.
Nevertheless he learnt a valuable lesson out of it all which he’s keen to pass on to the women of the world.
“It may not actually be the man that’s at fault; it may be you,” he said. “He may not necessarily be afraid of commitment. He may only be afraid of a commitment with you.”
Wow, like we hadn’t heard that before. So what type of ‘girl’ shouldn’t you be?
SotBO: this assumes that you a) want to get married, b) want to have children/are able to have children, c) are interested in dating and marrying men, d) are cis, e) are prepared to believe that it’s all your fault and not because some men just need to grow up and stop behaving like strawchildren (i.e. children who don’t actually exist and who exhibit behaviour that most parents would not tolerate for long if at all).
Agenda Girl – Don’t be talking about getting married. Don’t want to waste years with someone who has no intentions of getting married, too bad it’s all your fault you aren’t married yet.
Yes Girl – Don’t automatically agree with everything he says. Don’t disagree with anything he says. Can’t you get anything right? No wonder it’s all your fault.
Drama Queen Girl
“Men don’t want to date Drama Queen Girl because you’re unreliable and, ultimately, exhausting,” says Stork. The solution? Stork suggests being quiet, talking only 30 per cent of the time and taking a month off from complaining about anything whatsoever. Yes, a month.
In fact, don’t talk more than “So tell me all about yourself” and the occassional “Oh! My goodness!”. We don’t want anyone to think you are obsessed with yourself or anything. Also, never complain ever because it’s all your fault anyway.
Bitter Girl – See all those men, you’ve just alienated them. It’s all your fault.
Insecure Girl – It’s all your fault men don’t like you because you are insecure.
Desperate Girl – Don’t be desperate. No wonder men don’t like you. It’s all your fault.
“Men don’t like being second to anything, and they don’t like being cancelled on for a last-minute meeting, or having pillow talk interrupted by your BlackBerry.”
Don’t even think about being successful. Men don’t like that. Don’t be a doormat. Men don’t like that. Simultaneously be everything he ever wanted, even the stuff he didn’t know he wanted, while being yourself, the yourself that he approves of. If you don’t it’s all your fault.
Lost Girl – Constantly in a relationship that you don’t like and then wondering why no one marries you. It’s all your fault.
The worst part is I’m not joking. This crap is a real book. Don’t be that girl who goes out with someone like this. You deserve better. And the author – will probably never realise that it is all his fault.