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tigtog (aka Viv) is the founder of this blog. She lives in Sydney, Australia: husband, 2 kids, cat, house, garden, just enough wine-racks and (sigh) far too few bookshelves.

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3 responses to “Rape Culture Observation: grooming victims *looks* like being “a good person””

  1. Chris

    There seems to be a general refusal of the general public to believe that people can do both good and bad acts. People seem to want to believe that people are either good or bad, whereas in truth most people are a mix of both throughout their life. Recent examples being Assange (allegedly at this stage) or the guy who was awarded a bravery medal for what he did during the Victorian bushfires and then later seriously assaulted his wife.

    Its almost like its too hard for people to cope with simultaneously admiring and rewarding someone for one act and being critical and punishing them them for another.

  2. Mindy

    I think it is time we ended the ‘but no one will want to be a coach/teacher/priest/whatever if they think everyone will assume they are a pa*d*phile’ and called bullshit on it. Some children are abused by their parents yet people still choose to have children thereby taking the risk that someone might think they are a child abuser. So I think that people will still choose to be coaches/teachers/priests/whatever simply because they want to do those things and get job satisfaction from giving back. What we want to achieve is a safer environment for kids to be kids in. We won’t catch 100% of the abusers, but saving one child is a win.

    @Chris – there is a lot to unpack in that case you mentioned. Like is recognising his bravery ignoring the severity of his crime, which he is currently in gaol for [and which took place before he was awarded], which led to the loss of the unborn child/ren (?) and the loss of sight in one eye for the victim of his bashing?

    I have just googled reports of this case and the award has been revoked.

  3. Chris

    Mindy @ 2 – I have a 3 year old so am around other little kids quite a bit, especially at playgrounds. And if I don’t know the parents well then I’m pretty careful about not ever getting myself into a situation which might be misinterpreted (eg if they want help doing something I’ll call their parent over rather than physically help them myself). Because I’ve seen where an accusation which doesn’t even lead to criminal charges can lead (but that’s probably too long a story for here)

    Re: the award – I’m not surprised it was withdrawn. Awards for bravery are often also seen as recognition that the person is a good person who can be a role model to the rest of the population. And so its not appropriate. Unfortunately this interpretation can also put these people on pedestals that they can’t live up to because they aren’t perfect. Eg should an award be revoked if the person gets caught for drink driving? Or owning a business that goes bankrupt leaving thousands out of pocket? Abandons their partner and children for another partner and doesn’t pay child support?

    Is it possible to recognise primarily the act of bravery itself rather than the person and accept (not hide) that many people do brave acts as well as shameful or even criminal ones.? More recognition that most people aren’t “pure good” or “pure evil” might help remove the bias of people believing that that they can’t have done something bad just because they’ve seen them doing these other good acts.

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