The sixth season of Celebrity Big Brother UK is underway.
Rapper, self-confessed “shit-stirrer”, and supremely annoying fuckknuckle Coolio, who has been engaged in a prolonged campaign of sexual harassment against Ben and Michelle, is the one getting on my wick the most.
In this clip, Coolio and Scottish socialist politician Tommy Sheridan get into it, triggered by Coolio boasting that his children “know the difference between hos, bitches, and women”.
Tommy is not impressed by Coolio’s double-standard sexist bullshit, and he makes his feelings known. I like it that he’s getting noticeably upset – he’s not distanced from the issue, and he’s not afraid to get visibly emotional about it. Props, Tommy.
Not so many props for acting like Coolio’s best buddy ten minutes later, but I guess when you’re locked up together for weeks on end, certain survival skills are necessary.
LaToya Jackson’s yawn while Coolio is mouthing off is also rather delicious.
Video and transcript below the cut.
The housemates are sitting around the loungeroom. Coolio is standing and holding forth, energetically, in a blue T-shirt with a cigarette behind his ear.
Coolio: I talk a lot o’ bullshit in here. My children know the difference between hos, bitches, and women.
[Cut to Tommy sitting on the floor, wearing a ‘football is working class ballet’ T shirt and an incredulous look.]
LaToya [on a couch in a pink tracksuit and peaked cap]: OK, Coolio, for those of us who don’t know – what’s the difference?
Michelle: Great question, LaToya.
Tommy: I would much prefer, Coolio, if you said, “My children know that they shouldn’t refer to women as hos or bitches.” Rather than telling us that they know the difference, Cause I’m not really sure there is a difference.
Coolio [interrupting]: You gotta understand, you gotta understand, man.
Tommy: They’re all women.
Coolio: You gotta understand how I grew up, man.
Coolio [sitting now]: “I am the classic example of trial and error. I learned that – I learned about – man, you don’t want to go to jail, by going to jail. I learned that you don’t want to get shot, by getting shot.
[Michelle sits open-mouthed. Ben watches quietly.]
Coolio: One time man, I was getting shot at with a .38 at a party in [?]town. And I swear to God, I heard the bullets like this. [Coolio stands up, swishes his hands past himself making swishing noises.] All around me.
Coolio: And the reason why the dude started shootin’? He had a house party. His mother got drunk and started dancing nasty with one of the homeboys. She was like, his momma was in the party like [swivels hips, holding onto the back of a chair] And the homie was all this [?] ass like this [pelvis thrusting movements, laughs], and he got mad and said, “Blaaargh! You all got to go! Pow pow pow! [striding around, gun-shooting motions] He just started shootin’. His momma [?] got drunk! Nobody make his momma start actin’ like a HO!
Tommy: Pish! She didn’t act like a “ho”. She didn’t act like a “ho” at all.
Coolio: She was! She got drunk!
Tommy: She was enjoying herself with the dancing.
Coolio: She forty, forty years old.
[people start shouting, Coolio protests]
Ulrika [sarcastically]: Oh, that’s really old! She should be locked up!
Tommy: So what? Was it illegal? Was it illegal? Was she doing something illegal? Was she doing something illegal? No.
Terry: Bet no-one went to his next party, did they? [laughter]
Coolio: Verne. If somebody’s momma come out, and started dancing like this, [pelvic thrusts], if she acting like a ho –
Tommy: So that means every dancer is a “ho”, then? Is that what you’re saying? Or is it just certain women that are hos?
Coolio: No, no! You’re not supposed to be at your son’s party –
Tommy: Oh, it was her son’s.
Coolio [as if he’s finally being understood]: Yes, it was her son’s party!
Tommy: So it’s not hers.
Coolio: Yeah! It was her house!
Coolio: She was disrespecting her own house, and her son!
[Tommy looks pissed off.]
Verne: Tommy, Tommy, it’s a different atmosphere though.
Coolio: So you feel me, it’s, it’s, I’m not saying it – I not be saying stuff like that, I’m not talking about regular women. I’m talking about loose –
[Tommy laughs derisively]
Coolio: I’m talking about loose women! I’m talking about –
Tommy: FUCK OFF! What is “loose”?
Coolio: I’m talkin’ about women that come into a party, I’m talking about women that come in the club in they miniskirt and they –
Tommy: So what?
Coolio: In their miniskirt like a headband.
LaToya: But Coolio –
Tommy: So what? Are they difference inside? Are they different inside from every other woman? Is that what you’re saying?
Coolio: OK, OK, I’ll put it to you like this. I’ll be in the club, and I’ll have females come up to me and be like, [stands up, swings hips, husky high pitched voice] “What’s up Coolio? How you doin’?”
Terry: And you never ever took advantage of that?
Coolio: Oh hell yeah! You have to see it.
Tommy: I don’t need to see it, ferchrissake. It seems that you’re alright, cause you’re the guy. It’s ok for you to do it, but she’s a “ho”.
Coolio: Y’all just don’t understand, man. [to someone else – ?Verne:] You understand what I’m talking about.
[Tommy laughs, hand on forehead, and falls over backwards.]
[No sneering “Why do you watch that shit? I’m way too good for that” comments please. Really. It’s tedious and irksome. Find something else to do, eh?]