Edited to add: I was most remiss in not pointing out that I was sent this story by a Lovely Lurker. Thanks!
From todays SMH, in the Heckler section (where readers are encouraged to send in 500 words of contrarianism), we have Educated and chic – it’s not a crime, sisters grim, contributed by one Lindyl Crabb (an anagram, most suitably, for Blandly Crib, as not one word seems to be an original thought).
I’m just going to reproduce it in full so you can enjoy taking it apart.
FEMINISM is dead, and thank goodness for that. My revulsion at feminist theory came to my attention a year ago when I told a teacher of mine I found the concept of the independent, dominating woman quite frightening, and I hoped to be a charming wife some day. She was not impressed.
But feminist texts and their authors are the essence of pessimism. They are not academics, just really talented when it comes to the art of whining. I cannot shake the image of frizzy-haired women who refuse to shave their legs from my mind, either, although this is their choice seeing, can I just clarify, they have the freedom to shave their heads and wear hemp sacks if they want to.
Have they not considered that, in devoting their lives to whining and ranting and bypassing the cosmetics section of the supermarket for fear of pleasing the eye of any man, they are optimising the stereotypes that they deem to have burdened them so?
Since when was making a living from being bitter and disgruntled liberating? Since when was rejecting all science intelligent? Perhaps if they had tried applying themselves to real jobs (didn’t you hear, women go to work these days!) they might find that our dark and oppressive patriarchal society isn’t so bad after all.
Now, I pride myself on my education and I am no Supre-flaunting, cleavage-flashing bimbo. I aspire to graduate with a double degree and pursue a rewarding career in domesticity (just kidding, you can stop hyperventilating). But ladies, I don’t want to see you without a bra on any more than your former boyfriend/male boss/poor unsuspecting man on the street does.
Feminists are in denial, forcing their insecurities on arts students such as myself who must suffer the shared anguish of “having” to wear high heels – God, why is life so cruel? Feminist theory attempts to encourage the notion that girls like me are lacking something, and are underrated. Yeah, thanks. Until now I thought my only problem was chipped nail polish.
But if society is never going to allow me to reach my potential, I should just give up while I’m ahead. The Stepford Wives tale is a feminist attempt at a horror story, equating beautiful housewives with genetically blessed Frankenstein’s monsters. Likewise, verbally bashing fellow “sisters” who wear short skirts is not inspiring, it is alienating, and far more tormenting than reading Zoo Weekly could ever be (and that’s really scraping the barrel).
Yep, that’s girl power for you.
Feminism is dead, because instead of weeping over the pages of Vogue, girls are participating in sport, and staying out past 11pm, and getting breast implants.