Today’s Special Snowflake

In her column today, nicely titled Toy boy, cradle-snatching or female mid-life crisis (cause women can’t have a real, meaningful relationship with a younger man ya know), Sam Brett speaks to ‘real life Aussie toyboy Patrick’. Poor Patrick, who has been dating older women since he was seventeen, has been irretrievably damaged by older women because he can no longer talk to women of his own age! OMG, can someone please hand me my pearls and fainting couch.

“Due to my constant contact and on-going relationships with much more mature women, I now find it very, very hard to actually maintain a conversation with females my own age, let alone a relationship,” he explains.

“I am not saying males in such a situation don’t absolutely love the attention that they are receiving, but I really do think that there is definitely a need for the older female party to be aware of the implications of dating someone so young.”



Categories: gender & feminism, media, relationships

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39 replies

  1. ARGH, I had to read the full article just to check that it actually seems to mean what the quoted bit seems to mean. So … it’s older women’s fault that he can’t maintain relationships with younger women now? Wait a fucking minute, why does the age matter at all? If all your relationships are going badly, Patrick, maybe you should check out the one constant: you.

  2. Is it just me or does Sam Brett prevent ALL feminist orientated comments on her blog?
    MRAs seem to have open slather and post all sorts of crap. Actually I’ve notice a very concerted campaign by MRA groups to flood both her blog and the All Men Are Liars blog. Yet the SMH editors seem happy to ignore this group spamming.
    I find her exceeding annoying and an embarrassment when it is assumed she is “speaking for young Australian women”. But I suppose there is a subset of women ala Paris Hilton who make a living out of appearing professionally vacuous.

  3. Oh, my heart is breaking for this poor woobie.

    [/sarcasm]

  4. I’m adding Telstra to my list of Special Snowflakes – they decided that I needed a $6 a Messagebank month service, so kindly popped it on my bill for me. This is different to the Messages101 service which is free. I called and spoke to the lovely Adrian in Melbourne who reversed the charges for me ($12 in all because they did it last month too). Nice one Telstra.

  5. Let’s make some small gender changes to those statements and see what happens:
    “Due to my constant contact and on-going relationships with much more mature men, I now find it very, very hard to actually maintain a conversation with males my own age, let alone a relationship. I am not saying females in such a situation don’t absolutely love the attention that they are receiving, but I really do think that there is definitely a need for the older male party to be aware of the implications of dating someone so young.”
    Hmmm. I doubt we’d ever see something like that being taken seriously be the media.

  6. Oh thank you for taking on Brett (GAARGH she makes me CRAZY!!). I saw the headline and couldn’t bear to click through and read and post on it. Instead I watched the inauguration speech on You Tube where buffering was no problem. I sat with my bosses and we just wept. Much more edifying than another Sam Brett: “Oh lookey! I’m just neutrally pointing out this one example which highlights the inherent nastiness of women, I’M not saying anything misogynist!!” article.

  7. Could you imagine the ruckus if someone did a Hugh Hef and shacked up with three young men in a mansion?

  8. Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal? I just googled and she’s all of 4 years older than he is! What a dumb argument. She’s 32 and he’s 28. Come to think of it – when I was 32 I was dating a 28 year old. I didn’t even realise I was cradle snatcher until now. I’ll wear the label proudly.

  9. Is there a most-colonized-woman-in-Australia trophy I don’t know about that Sam Brett is constantly hoping someone is going to reward her with?

  10. Here Mindy – have some smelling salts, the shock of what poor Patrick has to deal with needn’t unduly affect you, after all he could be a figment of Sam’s impoverished imagination (She can’t seem to imagine a world where women and younger men might enjoy a meaningful relationship)

  11. Could you imagine the ruckus if someone did a Hugh Hef and shacked up with three young men in a mansion?

    Mindy, I for one would just love to see Andrew Bolt’s and Tim Blair’s heads EXPLODE in that situation.

  12. And today’s Guardian provides an equally douchebaggy counterpoint, in this opinion piece by William Leith, which condescendingly informs us that women being attracted to older men is “hard wired” (if it’s so hard wired, how come so many people buck the trend?), and that the biggest problem for women in their 30s trying to find partners is that they’re all uppity and outspoken– they actually TALK and WRITE (oh my!) about the difficulties of finding decent male partners, whereas those poor widdle men in their 20s (who have been deprived of partners by their female peers whose hard-wired brains force them to mate with older men) have absolutely no voice in mainstream media. NONE.
    (Of course, queer people apparently don’t exist as far as Leith is concerned.)

  13. OMFG. My SO is nearly 4 years younger than me. Good job he’s more than caught up, what with all the drinking and smoking and such. I think he’s pushing 65 at the moment.

  14. Read that Beppie *groak*. The anthropologist he cites can’t be that good – I bet he hasn’t controlled for status (which may be what women are biologically inclined to select for).
    Deus Ex Macintosh’s last blog post..Back to the Future

  15. I recently got called a cradle snatcher because my boyfriend is a full year and a half younger than me. Maybe if we were in our early teens this would fly, but we’re in our late twenties. What the hell?
    @Beppie, dear me, that article was painful to read. Some phenomenon is consistent throughout 37 patriarchal countries and this is “proof” that this phenomenon is hard-wired in women’s brains? A person with this level of education, intellect, and understanding of science gets to write for The Guardian? And write books about economics?
    The comments are even scarier. Men aren’t attracted to women with high salaries because they are “ball breakers.” Goodness. Sounds to me like this is all a lot of young, self-absorbed men, who can’t possibly understand why women aren’t interested in them unless it’s due to some flaw that is “hard-wired” into the female brains.

  16. Well I’m almost a whole 2 years older than my boyfriend. Obviously I must have issues :). Once or twice someone’s made a small joke about cradle robbers or toyboys but nothing too serious, of course, when I was with my ex, who is 10 years older, no one said a bloody word, not even a joke, so there you go.
    I read the article linked as well.. grrrrr. I’m particularly a fan of the way the writer just throws out the “hard wired” thing as if it’s a given which doesn’t need to be explained further. And I read the comments.. I shouldn’t have.

  17. “I once read a statistic that a 40-year-old single woman in New York was more likely to be killed by terrorists than to find a husband.”
    The real stat is probably that a 40-year old woman in New York is more likely to be killed by her husband than by terrorists.

  18. I’ve heard that quote in a movie.

  19. I’ve heard butterface. “Great body, but her face…” really reveals how shallow you are. That was the intent of the sit-com (the one with Kirstie Alley running a lingerie company) to show, yet again, how vain and shallow this character was. The show is long gone, but the saying has remained.

  20. Gah yes – that Sam Brett blog drives me mad! Even some of the posters, who seem fairly intelligent, accept it so easily! Thank you for being the voice of reason.
    As for the linked article – based on the posts above, is it so unreasonable that the first explanation for the apparent ‘hard-wired’ preference of women for older men might be because…society jumps down the throat of women who date younger men? Even a year or so younger?

  21. is it so unreasonable that the first explanation for the apparent ‘hard-wired’ preference of women for older men might be because…society jumps down the throat of women who date younger men? Even a year or so younger?
    UR LOGICZ HAZ NO PLACE IN TEH PATRIAKEH

  22. “Could you imagine the ruckus if someone did a Hugh Hef and shacked up with three young men in a mansion?”
    “Mindy, I for one would just love to see Andrew Bolt’s and Tim Blair’s heads EXPLODE in that situation.”
    I volunteer to shack up with three young men in a mansion to make Bolt/Blair’s heads explode (as long as someone supplies the young men and the mansion).

  23. Good on you Rebekka, we’ll even let you choose the young men. Personally, I think all the likely whinging would do my head in in about a week. Plus never being able to watch what I wanted on tv, and the socks and jocks all over the floor, empty beer cans and pizza boxes strewn about. So, we need a mansion, 3 eligible young men (to meet Rebekka’s specs) and a cleaning service. Can everyone check for those down the back of the couch please?

  24. Oh no, Mindy – I expect in Heff style the young men would be expected to be seen and not heard (unless making airy and always agreeable statements), would watch and do only what you wanted/deemed acceptable, and would spend their days grooming for your visual pleasure. Imagine how very shocked the world would be if say, Germaine Greer was to ‘pull a Heff’!!?! Publicity stunt in the making?

  25. Only so long as she didn’t ‘damage’ them by teaching them to talk about feminism or something!

  26. “Personally, I think all the likely whinging would do my head in in about a week. ”
    Oh, I have an excellent pair of noise-cancelling headphones. If the young men whinge, I will just pop on the headphones and listen to Angry Feminist Music. They are, after all, only there for their visual appeal and my physical gratification.

  27. *Claps hands* – I forgot we had a volunteer. Imagine the SCANDAL! You would of course have to make them play dress ups for your ogling pleasure. And serve you drinks, and give you massages (physical and of the ego).

  28. “You would of course have to make them play dress ups for your ogling pleasure. And serve you drinks, and give you massages (physical and of the ego).”
    I’m thinking of dressing them in loin cloths and laurel wreaths. The (young nubile and toned) male body is a wonderful thing and shouldn’t be covered with too many clothes. And of course to the drinks and massages.

  29. That 40 year old woman / terrorists quote… I’m sure someone showed somewhere how that was total misrepresentation of someone’s research. I’m gonna look it up.

  30. I’m thinking of dressing them in loin cloths and laurel wreaths. The (young nubile and toned) male body is a wonderful thing and shouldn’t be covered with too many clothes.
    Well then, couldn’t you just paint them?
    This would also be useful if you tend to write a lot of notes and lists.

  31. I was right! That 40-year-old marriage / terrorist thing is bull! Even better, Dr Karl has not merely disputed it, he’s shown how it was complete crap in the first place! Hah!
    Interesting connection with the original subject of this post: he points out that older women may be happy to marry younger men.
    Read it, it’s good: http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2008/09/04/2355175.htm?site=science/greatmomentsinscience&topic=human

  32. “Well then, couldn’t you just paint them?
    This would also be useful if you tend to write a lot of notes and lists.”
    Yes, but they must wax ALL their body hair first, so I have a smooth surface on which to paint. I will tolerate NO HAIR. Hair is wrong, and unattractive, and quite possibly unnatural.

  33. If we’re having a week for the be-cookie-ing of dudes, I want one for Dr Karl; he is always such a champion of calling bull excrement on the “hardwired” camp. Ben Goldacre too.

  34. Laurel wreaths? Music and anger? Three boys to every girl? Empty beer cans and pizza? Oil, with drinks?
    I think I’ve seen that movie before.

  35. Liam, those togas are far too modest. Men are supposed to be decorative. How can we appreciate their natural form if it’s all covered in drapery? I’m thinking more like this:

  36. I’ve heard butterface. “Great body, but her face…” really reveals how shallow you are.

    ROFLMAO!! Edinburgh bus shelters are currently plastered with posters for The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke. I must be so shallow…
    Deus Ex Macintosh’s last blog post..Poverty, Chastity and Obedience: You’re nil for three

  37. This will show you what I mean (any chance of Admin magic?).

    [click to see embiggened version – admin magicked! ~tigtog]
    Deus Ex Macintosh’s last blog post..Poverty, Chastity and Obedience: You’re nil for three

  38. Ta, Tiggy!
    Deus Ex Macintosh’s last blog post..Perfectly Impartial in Every Way

  39. Oh gods. My mother is older than my father (by a couple of weeks, true, but she’s still older). I’m older than my partner (he’s two years younger than me). Oddly enough, though, for most people age stops being an over-riding concern by the time they’re out of high school, and no longer sorted by age for just about everything. I think the concept is called “growing up”.
    Meg Thornton’s last blog post..Fic: Recovery

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