Troll-Off! Vote now for your favourite troll.

Welcome to the Hoyden About Town Inaugural Troll-Off! Inspired by Feministe’s Next Top Troll, in the Hoyden Troll-Off you get to vote for the worst. You’ll need to “click to continue” to see all of the contestants, and the poll.

1: First up we have recurrent troll Iain Hall, who flailed around on “Quick hit: New Centrelink “equality” to hit older lesbians the worst“:

Lauredhel
Do you have no sense of humour?
Offended by my using the term leftard? I’m surprised that You do not cite my use the term “femnazi” 😆
Sure I don’t support Gay marriage, but I do support the right of any adult to have consensual sex with any other adult as they please.

2. The very original John Doe dropped into “More “Teehee! Boobies!” from the breast cancer awareness industry”, because he was very concerned for our health:

wa wa wa wa… perhaps, the idea is to actually make you think, because god forbid, only men are lazy to have their rectum checked for cancer, women aren’t lazy to have their breasts examined. Whatever gets the message across, and if it has you people bitching away like a bunch of feminist pasties, then the message is working. Women will take care of their health where it matters. These days women think they are so invincible.

3. kitsune_baka_hentai the self-styled “wapanese furtard” leapt to the defence of T-Shirt Hell, doing neither it nor himself any favours:

I loved t-shirt hell for it’s sick and twisted sense of humor, the type of people who didn’t get Tshirt Hell’s brand of satire are probably the same kind of comically brain-dead uppity fucks who screamed “THAT’S RACIST!” at Wonder Showzen (one of the only GOOD shows to ever come out of MTV). “It’s Not Gay, If You Beat Them Up Afterwards” this joke actually takes a little thought on your part. See, it’s a stab at all those sexually repressed closeted hicktown churchie fucks who end up playing around with another person of their own gender and then murdering or brutalizing the person they did stuff with to get rid of the evidence/witness. Do you get it NOW? The shirts were never ENCOURAGING or ENDORSING the actions they described, they were MAKING FUN OF THEM (Kinda like how Wonder Showzen made fun of everyone, from Jews, to Xtians, to Blacks, to sister-fucking, wife-beating, meth-cooking Rednecks).
——————————
T-Shirts Hell will be missed, just as I still miss the original incarnation of SatanLovesMe.com / PunkAssGear.com before they turned into a pussy ass Emo/Horror Movie shirt site, probably cuz some christfag complained that their stuff was “too controversial.” Atleast I got my “Partnership for a God-Free America” and “Jesus Hates You” shirts BEFORE they lost their balls.

4. Oz Ozzie popped into a threadful of feminists pissed off about Salma Hayek’s lactating breasts being constantly objectified, and thought this was appropriate:

While I admire a good pair of calves greatly, I’d rather, err, think about the breasts. (sigh. Have I just become sexist?)

5. 1, yes, that’s just 1, like Madonna, also wanted to defend T-Shirt Hell, but didn’t quite have the vocabulary of kitsune_baka_hentai:

get over it for fucks sake.

6. And on Salma Hayek again – there’s nothing like boobs to draw the bottom-dwellers out of the closet – “She’s a joke” had this to say:

1st off there is no substantial nutritional value in breast milk after 12 months.. to do so afterwards is a “Mother’s” issue/ codependency and is wrong.. Now to feed someone’s else kid, in front of a video camera for the whole world to see, is another “issue” Ms. Hayek has… if this was truelly a sincere gesture, it wouldn’t have went down the way it did.. She’s disgusting, very insecure, and a mean bitch..

7. Last up, we have this very special snowflake on the bushfire thread, A Lavey, who thinks that just changing his nym will get him out of moderation here:

The bush fires are a product of convict blood, god is punishing them for imbred sodomy betwenn brother, sister and animal. They all love the attention, they are so swift to become critics and vigilantes to hide their own terrible secrets. Idiots, did anyone have the brains to think of a warning system when they chose to live in the bush ? No. A bunch of rich people with their head in the clouds. All this money pouring in they do not deserve. People in the city and suburbs that get burnt out get no special treatment or donations. These people in the bush would all have insurance like everyone else, what a waste of money. Most will get better homes than they had in the first place.

Vote Now! You can, if you wish, choose Other, and let us know your favourite Hoydentroll in comments. Or share a steaming little nugget from your own blog commentariat.

Update: The results are in.



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51 replies

  1. If I’d known I was eligible for these I’d have tried harder. Next year, Lauredhel, put a prize aside for me.
    Having said that I’d like to congratulate you for this:

    there’s nothing like boobs to draw the bottom-dwellers out of the closet

    [Me chuckling in my best Beavis and Butthead hur hur hur hur]

  2. My favourite *kind* of troll is the troll that jumps around like their panties are itching them after their initial *concern trolling* is not lapped up, then starts asserting blanket truths one minute, then denying any such thoughts/words in the next breath, who can’t argue the point at hand but wastes everyone’s time with obfuscating side issues or a particularly irrelevant nature, who never addresses the specific objections to their words, and I particularly love it when they then get feverishly angry at being called on all this and start making wild accusations that are generally speaking clearly wrong. Is this my issue do you think?

  3. I had to go with “imbred sodomy betwenn brother, sister and animal”.

  4. Feminist pasties for sure.

  5. It’s certainly the most breathtakingly offensive. But they’re all so very very trollish in their own unique ways! Mean bitch is also fairly staggering…and also…MEAN??? I do not understand the way of the troll.

  6. Sorry, ‘certainly the most breathtakingly offensive’ was referring to the ‘punishment of Victorians for sodomy between brother/sister/animal’…though god, rereading, they’re all vile. And what did he *mean* by feminist pasties? Misspelling of pastries? Pasty as in white/clammy? Pasties as in those tassles to go on nipples. I’m hard-pressed imagining what feminist-ones-of-those look like really. Perhaps the female symbol/raised fist composite pic you see sometimes over each nipple? The stupidity to choose from is just endlessly fascinating.

  7. Liam, there is no way your “I have nothing against over-privileged university-educated white dudes, because I am one.” comment, could ever hope to compete with these other guys.

  8. What the hell is a feminist pasty? Baked goods with a social conscience? Who knew?!

  9. kitsune gets mine since the t-shirt hell thing was nothing more than a publicity stunt

  10. Kitsune wasn’t the most amusing, but it’s definitely the most Missed The Fucking Point.

  11. “What the hell is a feminist pasty?”
    It’s like a feminist pie, but sort of a horse-shoe shape, and with more vegetables.

  12. Yum. Sounds pretty awesome to me. Troll still makes no sense though since s/he says we’re ‘whinging away like’ feminist pasties. Maybe it’s the feminist/vego version of ‘carrying on like a pork chop’?

  13. no way your “I have nothing against over-privileged university-educated white dudes, because I am one.” comment, could ever hope to compete with these other guys.

    That’s the wonderful thing about privilege, PP, I don’t have to compete. In a race to turn any given thread into a discussion around one’s self, this lot aren’t worth my middle-class steaming nuggets.*

    “What the hell is a feminist pasty?”

    If it’s a troll, I’m going to go with lentil pie.
    *see what I did there?

  14. Damn you, Liam, I thought that link was going to lead to a recipe for actual lentil pie — I almost got excited there for a moment!

  15. Beppie: you’ll need an onion, a clove or two of garlic, a can of diced tomato, two cups of lentils, two small brushed potatoes, a bit of cheese, bay leaves, oregano, a bit of curry powder, and a whole lot of salt.
    Fry up the first four ingredients and the herbs and simmer them in an oven safe pot, then boil and mash the potatoes (with grated cheese) to put on top. Bake it at medium heat until the potato’s crispy. Garnish with butter or your other favourite spreadable fat. Serve with a longneck of stout or Toohey’s Old.
    Rinse. Repeat.

  16. That sounds so freaking delicious!

  17. Oh wow, I am deliberating between 2 and 7… it’s a tough one.

  18. I can only assume “pasties” is a typo for “patsies”. But you bet whatever you like I’m making Feminist Pasties for my next party.

  19. Damn, I thought a feminist pasty was shaped like a labrys.

  20. [Feminist pasties; Aussie version of pathetic anger bread?]

    Or a yoni, Bene!

  21. Mmm… Liam, sounds tasty.
    And yes, definitely the Aussie version of pathetic anger bread, I think. Feminist pasties, unite!

  22. Wow, this is difficult. I finally went with the age-old test of, “Which of these would I be compelled to engage with, if faced with a monster thread containing all seven?” Pasties won, for the most condescending, needs-to-be-called-on-it bullshit.
    Close call with T-Shirt Hell, for winner of Bene’s Missed The Fucking Point Award, and Ha-ha Boobies, for stupid comment by person who apparently expects to be laughed along with.
    I like this competition!

  23. Wow what’s with the troll and food metaphors. Now I’m picturing a troll tea party where they can wash down the feminist pasties and pathetic anger bread with some nice political correct tea.

  24. pathetic anger bread

    >
    You’ve forced my hand. I have to link to the failure pile in a sadness bowl.

  25. pathetic anger bread
    Not sure if you picked up the Shakesville troll reference, Liam? 🙂
    I’m really frightened those failure piles sound as if they’re a real product.

  26. Tricky decision but I couldn’t go past the complete barking madness of the fire and brimstone troll. Victorians, you have been warned.

  27. I’m going with the baked goods, too: a delicious golden Cornish pastry crust with a mixture of potato, turnip, carrots and peas with white pepper. Mmmm. Who wouldn’t want to be compared to one? A close relative of the sublime patriarchy-blaming vegie samosa.
    Su, who was responsible for the Politically Correct Tea remark? I remember it, but not where it came from.

  28. Yep, going with 7.

  29. It was on the Mt Isa thread. “Trueman” ejaculated “You political correct boring tea swillers.

  30. I forgot the “boring”! Mustn’t leave it out. It’s like saying Souchong for Lapsang Souchong.

  31. “So, you think you can troll?”
    I vote for John Doe. Feminist pasties sound like a tasty treat.

  32. This was hard. I was thinking to myself, “Are my favorite trolls the ones who are so batshit that I don’t have to bother to prove them wrong? Or is my favorite troll the one that is less obvious but still gets labeled a troll by people with the wherewithal to let him know that coming onto a feminist blog to tell everybody he loves breasts is obnoxious?”
    Subtlety won out.

  33. Iain Hall is a legendary troll, well known across blogs, especially those that lean towards the left. You have probably come across him before and you will probably come across him again. Many suspect that he trolls just so that he can bait people to come to his blog.
    Now can we just sit back, relax, and enjoy the narwhals?

  34. As we’re on a meta thread, Anonymous: I, for one, would appreciate it if you would use a stable, identifiable nym on my threads. I know that and I can see who you are from your email address, but it would be nice if you would pay fellow commenters the same courtesy. Thanks.

  35. I vote for Lavey who seemed to assemble several very different hates into one package.

  36. Wow, tough competition …
    jon
    PS: thanks for tweeting to #p2

  37. I want to change my vote now I have seen Oz Ozzie also trolling microbiologists and people who understand Bayes theorem. It is like pointless trolling is an unstoppable compulsion for him.

  38. Tough call, but in the end I had to agree with Valerie and go for Oz Ozzie, as being the one most capable of annoying me. References to God or obvious “insults” don’t tend to bother me, but faulty and/ or non-existant logic makes me want to kill things.
    Feminist pasties sound fantastic!

  39. Aphie: yes, but I grasp at thin pretexts to post things like that.
    I voted for the ‘imbred’ sodomist, if only for topicality.
    These are a pretty low-quality bunch of trolls, I have to say—I much prefer the entertaining variant who slides their way into a thread with a question or a statement that seems like a reasonable objection, then after a to-and-fro lasting days winds up screeching at you for being a Communist while you’re busy looking up some very obscure bit of information. The comparative ranges of sugar-fuelled rockets fired out of Gaza, say, or the history of cat declawing in Chinese veterinary practice, or the rates of childhood vaccinations in the US South excluding Texas. The performance art trolls don’t come up with such lovely turns of phrase as the knuckledraggers, but they make for more bizarre arguments.

  40. “Performance art trollers”, DING, new favourite phrase.
    My favourite part *about* them is that they’re so freaking VICTORIOUS when you’ve just had an anuerism over the efforts of trying to follow their tortured logic, so are struck temporarily silent. They’ll be like HA, outWITTED you feminists!

  41. Yep. And then it’s never actually the troll who drops all pretence at good manners, responds with five paragraphs of filth, causing the trainwreck I-hope-you-die-in-a-fire flame-on. It’s always someone who’s usually the image of proper etiquette.
    It’s because they bring out the worst behaviour of everyone that the performance artists are such great value.

  42. Here’s an illustration of such a trainwreck thread, which is also tangentially related to the discussion on the other thread about percentages vs. ratios.
    (Warning: contains me behaving very badly)

  43. Liam, I’m stealing this. This is mine now. Mine. Mine I tell you.

    I’m utterly in awe of your ability, once you’ve been shown up to be wrong, to get progressively wronger, until the wrongness piles up into an avalanche of wrong.

    I also liked how he misspelt your name, wow that must have really hurt.

  44. @fuckpoliteness: that was an excellent description.

    PS, have been wanting to say this for ages, but your username is the BEST EVER. No, really. Best ever in the entire internets.

  45. @ Hendo…weeeelll…yes and no. For the w/s it works well (apart from the distressing search terms), for blog commenting it means it sometimes gets read as if I’m all for spitting in stranger’s faces or something which is of course not quite I mean by it. Admittedly that’s usually trolls misunderstanding it, so wevs.
    Liam, the new hard drive for the vast amount of bullshit? Bwahahah.
    I’m pretty new to the blogosphere, so I get that sometimes I’ll go at a troll when it’s best to leave them be. But sometimes, especially with the performance art trolls, it’s just too much fun to resist dancing around them going Nya Nya Ne Nyah Nyah!

  46. @ Liam:
    I am in total awe of that trainwreck thread. Is it just me or did he actually seem to not even understand what “morbidity” means?

  47. It’s not just you. He didn’t have much of an idea about the prostate gland either.

  48. Lauredhel@30: Thanks!

  49. Oops, I’m sorry. I used the anonymous pseudonym for the abuse thread and then it was automatically filled in when I posted next. I won’t make the mistake again.

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