Ask Auntie Hoyden: “she swallowed my cork”

It’s time for another…. Ask Auntie Hoyden! Dontcha just love these search-terms posts? Well, I do, so if you don’t, move along, nothing to see here.

How do googlers find their way here? Most of the time they’re obviously searching for porn. Horrible, demeaning, often illegal porn. But once I’ve cut out most of that, the rest of the searchers are a source of endless amusement, diversion, curiosity, and sometimes pathos. Here are some of the search terms googlers have entered recently to end up at Hoyden About Town. Many of them didn’t find what they were looking for. And I’ve taken the liberty of answering a few googlers’ questions.

powerful words
heart throbbing emotion
what the fuck
ways to be a bitch
women AND cattiness

warrior women in chainmail
impure girl
hairy leg lesbian
too young for bifocals
she swallowed my cork

trying not to think about sex
beppies shoe
chain mail fetish
pleated gymslips blog
men in kilts

elves being sexual
night elf being raped
short people car
remus/sirius disabled
hitler cake

sexist wedding preface
heterosex oil paintings
vasectomy gift certificate
what is mean by stuff
when was oral sex invented


On to the questions…

* what chemical reaction produces horrible smell

There are plenty. Perhaps the most well known is the production of “rotten egg gas”, the staple of high school chemistry classes. Rotten egg gas is hydrogen sulphide, H2S. It is also known as “sewer gas”, as it results from bacterial breakdown of sulphur compounds in organic matter.

H2S can result from the reaction of iron sulphide with acid over heat, or water with aluminium sulphide. H2S is highly poisonous, and larger amounts don’t smell stronger (on the contrary, the smell sensation can disappear entirely). Don’t try this at home!

H2O + Al2S3 ? H2S + Al2O3.

* where does breast milk come from

milkductsBreasts. Human breasts, that is. More specifically, the milk is made in the secretory alveoli of the glands of the breast, which drain into the lactiferous ducts. Most of the anatomical development of these alveolar structures occurs in the first and second trimesters of a woman’s first pregnancy, which may be partially why it is more challenging to develop a milk supply for a premature baby.

Amazingly, the anatomy of the lactating breast has really only been researched in detail in the twenty-first century. Older notions of breast anatomy were gleaned from cadavers. There were artifacts introduced by the methods used, such as the injection of wax to delineate ductal anatomy. Newer knowledge of breast anatomy has been gained using dynamic ultrasound imaging during breastfeeding.

Read more here:

Anatomy of the lactating human breast redefined with ultrasound imaging[DT Ramsay, JC Kent, RA Hartmann, and PE Hartman, J Anat. 2005 June; 206(6): 525–534. doi: 10.1111/j.1469-7580.2005.00417.x.]

Ultrasound Imaging of Milk Ejection in the Breast of Lactating Women” [Donna T. Ramsay, Jacqueline C. Kent, Robyn A. Owens, and Peter E. Hartmann, Pediatrics Vol. 113 No. 2 February 2004, pp. 361-367]

How does milk production work?“, at kellymom.

* breastfeeding is child abuse


* venus de milo measurements

If you’re talking bust-waist-hips in inches, 37-26-38. Why do you ask?

* can i feel your tits


* can I breastfeed for 5 years

Of course you can – if your child wishes. In a Western society you’re likely to take some flak over it, but you are not the one with the problem. Breastfeeding to age five is physiologically normal for the human ape. Barring catastrophic illness or pregnancy, your breasts will continue making enough milk for as long as the milk is regularly removed. (You can continue lactating through illness or pregnancy also; they will, however, alter your milk supply.)

* can you withdraw after giving your consent for sexual intercourse and still call it rape

Absolutely. Lawyers may resist you, the legal system may resist you, but any non-consensual sexual penetration, or continuation of penetration, is rape.

Here is one discussion of US state Supreme Court decisions on withdrawal of consent: “A seismic shift in sex-case law“; and another: “Court: Rape Can Occur Even After Consent“.

* will mandatory internet censorship stop peer to peer networks

Isn’t this filtering plan just a clusterfuck of massive proportions? Senator Conroy was talking about just trying to block http traffic, but he’s got himself into a pickle lately starting to talk about P2P sharing protocols like bittorrent just before Christmas. Bittorrent is used for legal file-sharing such as open-source Linux operating systems and freely-released music.

Conroy, writing on the Government DBCDE blog:

The Government understands that ISP-level filtering is not a ‘silver bullet’. We have always viewed ISP-level filtering as one part of a broader government initiative for protecting our children online.

Technology is improving all the time. Technology that filters peer-to-peer and BitTorrent traffic does exist and it is anticipated that the effectiveness of this will be tested in the live pilot trial.

There is no technical filtering solution that can differentiate completely legal bittorrent traffic from child porn material. Or from copyright-breaching file-sharing, which is not about “protecting the children” at all. One can’t help but wonder how much of this filter plan is ignorantly and paternalistically altruistic, and how much is about protecting the interests of big business.

* conroy will fuck the internet

He’s giving it the old college try. Let’s not let him, eh?

* how to beat filtering plan

We don’t know whether or how the internet filters will be implemented yet, so there is a little bit of handwaving involved. One option is to use a service like Hotspot Shield. This creates a Virtual Private Network to a separate internet gateway located overseas. It’s also handy for watching US-locked Hulu videos, and for protecting your privacy when you’re using a public wireless hotspot. VPN use can’t be reasonably blocked, as many workplaces and educational institutions use them.

Read more about your filter circumvention options at the Sydney Morning Herald: “How to easily bypass Australia’s internet filters for free“.

* catch more flies with honey

Nope – you actually catch more flies with vinegar, in replicated experiments. I consider this good news for angry feminists.

Chris Null: “Can you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?”

* how can you tell if cervix looks normal

The My Beautiful Cervix project, recently launched, has clear photographs of a normal cervix of a premenopausal woman throughout the menstrual cycle. As well as being a useful reference for women learning Fertility Awareness methods, it should be a wonderful teaching tool for medicos who have no idea about the changes in cervical appearance and mucus throughout the cycle. Plus, it’s fascinating.

* breastfeeding logo

There are many – check out Google Images – but here’s one public-domain icon. This icon was chosen as the winner of a competition on You can check out the semi-finalists and some other entries here, here, and here.



That’s all! Yes, a lot of people asking questions about breasts end up at Hoyden About Town.

If you have a question you’d like to pose to the Hoyden commentariat, you’re welcome to send in your own Ask Auntie Hoyden question via our Contact form.

Categories: gender & feminism, law & order, Politics, Science, technology, violence

Tags: , , ,

21 replies

  1. trying not to think about sex

    Aren’t we all? Well, not very hard.

    vasectomy gift certificate

    That’s not such a crazy idea. I know in a lot of situations it’d be a very thoughtful, welcome gift.

  2. I want to know who’s after my shoes!

  3. Well, yeah, I was thinking you’d done a Cinderella there Beppie! 🙂
    fuckpoliteness’s last blog post..“My summer holiday” by FuckPoliteness

  4. Though if they’re really curious…
    (Can has admin magic plz?)

  5. I do, in fact, enjoy these search-terms posts.

    And I like your shoes, Beppie.

  6. Thanks, Chally, I really liked them too. Unfortunately that pair of sandals broke about 18 months ago, and I couldn’t replace them with the same– I didn’t have a more recent picture, however.

  7. I like your embroidered trousers too, Beppie!

  8. I’d say that the person looking for “men in kilts” got exactly what she was looking for. LOL!
    Mary Tracy9’s last blog post..Happy New Year!

  9. Lol, that’s a skirt!
    (But thank you– I’m rather fond of it.)

  10. I lolspat coffee at my screen over “remus/sirius disabled” and “warrior women in chainmail”.
    I think I’ve actually read that fic. My “hairy legged lesbian” heart may have even had “throbbing emotion” over it.
    No “elves being sexual” with “powerful words” though. That’s feminist LOTR fandom I reckon.

  11. Actually, I think I remember the discussion where we were talking about disability in fan fiction– I think I mentioned an AU fic I’d read where Remus’s lycanthropy was reconfigured as epilepsy.
    And oh the fond memory of that kilt thread. Isn’t internation kilt day coming up again next month? 😛

  12. I went to a pinkety pink pink fundraiser night where they auctioned a vasectomy. Not so far removed from the gift certificate idea.
    I don’t know what it went for, I got a bit funny about the pinkety pink and had to leave before the auction started.

  13. Lactation doesn’t just come from breasts. It comes from the mammary gland, existing in both men and women, which is why men can breastfeed. I very strongly believe that all parents involved in an infant’s life should allow that infant to breastfeed on them (even if lactation doesn’t actually occur, the bonding still does), so I was very happy to see the gender neutral logo.

  14. ha! Kate, that reminded me, at a kindergarten fundraiser there was a vasectomy up for auction! I can’t remember any of the details of the auction though 😦 just that we talked about it alot!

  15. lala: Men’s mammary glands are also called “breasts”. Although some men can secrete small amounts of milk (particularly under the influence of certain drugs + suckling/stimulation), there has never once been a scientifically verified case of a healthy cisman bringing in anything resembling a full milk supply. This has been an interest of mine for over a decade, I’ve scoured the reports and literature, and all we have are fewer than a handful of unverified news reports, urban legends, and handwaving.
    Nipple-suckling, of course, can take place on anyone with nipples. Though I strongly disagree with the statement that all parents should engage in suckling with their infant. Universal “should”s are a tricky thing.

  16. I would like to see these heterosex oil paintings please.
    For some reason, a lot of people come to Attitude Problem via searching for “she canes him”. I am not sure why this is.

  17. heterosex oil paintings

    Bene, I immediately had the mental image of those old ads for carpet featuring Pro Hart, where he smears food around and makes a lovely picture. Only, the R rated version.

  18. I just… keep coming back to this post. I just googled ‘pleated gymslips blog’ to see if there WERE any.

  19. I too keep thinking about this post – “she swallowed my cork” makes me giggle at the most unexpected times and inappropriate places.

  20. Good to see there’s someone here as immature as I am. 😉

  21. Who me?? 🙂 I keep wondering if it’s possible that that question really did involve a cork in which case, my bad for gutter-brain. But it also makes me laugh if it was just a misspelling…like…she SWALLOWED it? OMG!! I hope she poops it out again!
    fuckpoliteness’s last blog post..I dooooooo!

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